I sometimes think about what precisely it is I should and shouldn't do. What I have and what I don't. What I want and what I don't.

Maybe this is just me being tired and staying up this late into the night listening to music and shit, but I'm feeling like shit right now. I'm talking to my friends and shit, and I don't feel terrible anymore. But I still feel empty. I want more and more and more. I can't help myself with this, I need more. It's not enough to just speak to people who care for me, I wanna feel loved. Not just cared for. I wanna feel the warmth of someone, someone who wants me. I want a woman who I can feel safe with, and will do things with me. That which being; suffering together. I never wanna be alone when in torment. I want someone with me. Maybe I don't want a girlfriend actually. I just want someone to be there for me. I never really felt like I had that, ever. Maybe that's what's missing, someone who would go through shit with me. Who knows, maybe when I one day find someone like that, I'll still feel this hollow feeling within me. I wouldn't know. I don't know alot of things actually. I don't know. That's a big part of my vocab, just me admitting that I know nothing. I feel less than satisfactory. Always. It never leaves, I know objectively, I'm above average in almost everything I touch. But I still feel lesser to those that I see all around me. Everyone is so talented and unique. What am I? Just a dude that does fine on his own? I don't wanna be alone man. I wanna be with people. Too bad people don't wanna be with me. Who am I kidding, people love me. I just feel like I'm faking it almost. I'm sincere in everything I say, I never lie to anyone nor do I pretend to be someone I'm not. I still feel like I'm faking. God I wanna be different than what I am now, I wanna be the me that I wish to be man. One day I'll make it, I'm certain. I'm not certain at all actually, but you first gotta say it before you do it yeah? I will always feel like I'm not enough for the people I want to surround myself with. If my friends see this, like ever. Am I enough for you? Am I a decent human being? God I want nothing more than to just be enough. I should just ask them, but I'm kinda scared to man. Especially Ae, she's scary man. In a way. She's got that sort of aura about her. She's nice, but she's almost like she's more than human. Someone above the others. A star amongst the black of space. A blooming flower amidst weeds. A dove amongst pigeons. My friends are all people who I believe stand out from a crowd, in a good way. But amongst those that stand out, she stands out. She's special, I know that for certain. I envy her, and I admire her. I wouldn't say I love her or anything, but I admire her. God I wish I could drive. I wish I had a car to drive and go to work and shit. Wish I had my own place to live. But, I know that if it's right infront of my face, I would never go for it. Man, I'm kind of a loser. But maybe that's the way it is, maybe that's the purpose of my life, culminating all into this one moment. And once I'm done, I'll expire, right after I finish writing this. The world ends with me, and all else shall go with me as I leave. Sometimes I wish I could see the future, just so that I could know what the fuck to do. I'm getting pretty fucking tired, so I'm gonna stop writing this here. I'm gonna try and come up with a cool title.