Used to

I used to be someone who could always easily make conversations with people- Back when I was free from worry of being too cringy, I was capable of doing so much more. Some of it was selfish, and some others were meaningful. 

I used to be able to do the worsts of shit and get better from it; but currently I've hit a wall.

I don't know what I'm doing- I can't handle conversations without the fear of being too full of myself- or I can't just find connections the same way as I used to.

And it irritates me;

cause now, that person who i used to be is no longer me. 

I want connection, I want friends- I really do, but it's been so difficult lately with how indifferent I've been feeling. 

I hate not being the me that I used to be- yes, although selfish and bratty, I was also just so full of life even in the most difficult of times. 

I'm sorry to those who has fallen victim to my poor connection skills. I truly do long and intend to have friends with a deep connection, but I couldn't and haven't been able to put in the same commitment i had from then. 

And I'm sure that the people I'm close to are beginning to be sick of me- It looks pretty damn obvious.

I've changed so much.