A new beginning, choosing happiness. - 25.05.2026.

To you ,reading this, know that this is essentially a vent post from a girl miles away from you. As of now I have disabled discord, hoping it would stick. I am addicted, probably. I had been using it daily, paying more attention to it rather than the people I had around me in real life. Years long friendships, a sister who clearly needed my support and of course my parents, who have at this point aged into people I no longer recognise. No more of that, I am choosing my real life rather than the fictional world I built there. This decision came to me after picking up my Edgar Allan Poe collection book after sitting down on my shelf for years. I remember being so excited about it, begging my mother to spend a whole 40 euros on it, because of the special hard back covers. I never read it, I mean I did read a few works, loved them, but still choose to spend the rest of my days on discord talking to god knows who. Picking it up again I read one story, “The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar”, it was probably the best thing I had ever read, just a few pages long. I got interrupted while reading it, yet it stayed on my mind constantly.. Even now as I write this it’s as if it’s haunting me. I imagine myself constantly. I missed this feeling of reading something not because it was popular or because someone else wanted me to, but because I wanted to read it, because I was interested. I don’t know how I got to this point, what or rather who made me get like this, either way I am happy I’m getting out. Besides Poe, it was a little discord server, of all things, that made me want to quit it all. TFL is probably the worst place on earth, 10 or so people who think they are above it all, kicking me down every chance they got joking around about any sort of interest I showed that wasn’t theirs and following some sort of weird hierarchy where nothing was funny or not knowing if something was okay until the owner spoke up. I had brought it up with a few of them, they all gave me the same reply. “Bring this up with the owner” it’s as if they didn’t hear my words at all. In reality all of the discord is like this, or at least all the people that I have chosen to surround myself with, while again ignoring meaningful relationships I had in my real life. When I started writing this I had planned to end this by saying that I need to return to the person I was before I let myself be consumed by stupidity, but that will only lead me back to it. I need to become a new person. I need to choose for myself who I will be and what I will do with that. To achieve this I have decided to pick up little hobbies of sorts. After ignoring it for a decade, the popularisation of AI has made me spiteful enough to start learning to draw on my own. I'm sewing, I’m training dogs, and curating my wardrobe. This will hopefully lead me to more joy than my current life has. Should anyone from the internet who I’ve known before be reading this, I do not forbid you from trying to reconnect, but I pray I am not the same person I was before.