Is letting go a real thing people do?

I think of him every day. 

At first it was hatred. I had finally mustered up the guts to cut him off around 2 months ago. I spent the first 2 weeks celebrating. I had finally cut my abuser off, I was free. I stopped thinking about him for a while. Life felt more beautiful than it ever had. 

Then I started talking about it. 

I told friends about what he had done, what I had gone through. The damage done and the consequences thereof, and my disdain started to grow. Friends were horrified. I had become so desensitised to it all. Only then did I start to realise how horrid it had all been. 

I managed to suppress it for a while more, but this last month, it has truly come back to haunt me. 3 Years of my life, taken. Wasted. Yet, he walks unscathed. Unbothered. He has 2 new partners, moved out, quit his job. He just gets to move on like I never existed while I remain trying to piece together the parts of myself previously strewn about on the floor. His doing. I cannot function normally and it reminds me of him constantly. He permeates my existence. I hate it. 

I hate the fact I miss him most of all. I hate the fact I miss the pain. I hate the fact I still wish him well. I want to move on but fuck, it feels like he's still part of me. Like I need him. I've become dependent on the feeling. My crack cocaine, my heroin. 

I've been pursuing someone new, but they're too good to me. It almost makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I too have become rotten. 

I just hope that maybe as time passes, I can start to move forward.