1/5/2020

1/5/2020

Tonight, Lexi and I dressed up cute and got ready to bring our boi out to the bar for the first time. It was James's 21st birthday.

He came over around 8 p.m. which is way too early to go to the bars, so we pre-gamed at Lexi's place for a while. Jared told us that he was going to join us for the pre-gaming, but we doubted that he would actually show up. Jared was really busy with work and school, and since he wouldn't be 21 for another ten months, there were plenty of reasons for him to just not show up. So it was the three of us.

I was acting up that night, I'll admit it. I'm pretty sure that Lexi noticed, but I don't think she figured out what was going on. Probably because there wasn't anything actually going on. James wasn't interested in me, and I wasn't really interested in him. I was flirting nevertheless. By nine, the nights events thus far included watching Billy On The Street, drinking beer, and flirtatiously trading vapes. I don't know how Lexi put up with it, honestly.

I'm thinking on the flirtatiousness of my actions, and you know what? If Lexi gave me the same reactions that James did, I would have flirted with her, too. That's not particularly relevant, though, so I'll get back to it.

Eventually, some other guys showed up, and we started to get ready to hit the bars.

The first bar we hit, Harrison's, is notorious for letting underage people in. Their lax ID-ing policy leads to a very obnoxious atmosphere, but it's also light and inviting if you're fresh. Plus they have karaoke. I love karaoke.

The first time I went to Harrison's was at midnight on my 21st birthday, about five years prior. It felt a little unceremonious, because they let me in without Id-ing me at all, but they only did that because of the company I kept. I was escorted by a group of friends which included Nate and Lynni. At the time, Lynni worked there part-time as the Karaoke DJ. I learned that I loved visiting that bar while she worked. At the top of the rotation (or whenever it was slow) she would sing a song. And her voice, when I tell you, her voice.... A siren never sounded so enchanting. The beauty, pain, desire, the passion, the voice. I thought I would never tire of that voice. I haven't, yet, either, but the voice itself has tired. I really hope I'll hear it again.......

Anyways, so on my 21st birthday, I went to Harrison's. I don't remember much, which is the point, but I do remember the drink I was given. It was in a giant glass. The main part of this concoction was an unrealistic shade of blue. Then, nestled into the top, were two shot glasses; one with an opaque, neon-green liquid, the other with something very average-looking in it, possibly whiskey, but it was on fire. Needless to say, I was extremely intimidated and had no idea what I was supposed to do with it. I tried asking as the bartender raised her arms, and the response I got back was her miming what I was supposed to do, and then, in response to my confused expression, "SHOOT THE GREEN THEN CHUG." Before I could say anything, every single person in the bar burst out into song. Strangers I hadn't even brushed past yet were singing the birthday song at me. About halfway through, I noticed the bartenders eyes bugging out of her face. I realized that was my cue and I was late. I pulled out the green shot, and as the firey glass was submerged, I threw it back. I didn't have to pretend here that I had never drank before, and I definitely knew how to take a shot. Of course, I followed up my flawless, badass execution by sipping the other part of my drink in a polite manner at a speed reasonable for an outdoor midsummer picnic or possibly a tea party. At this point the bartender nearly broke her neck wildly miming what she had said before, "Chug it." I got with the program chugged half then stopped to get a breath of air. The birthday song was over. I looked at the bartender, thinking that must mean that I don't get to finish the drink, because obviously this was a time-sensitive event-drink, and my time was up. The bartender, however, simply gestured for me to finish the drink. I did as she wanted, and she snatched the empty glass from me.

"Wow. What a badass. ugh." I thought to myself as I walked away.

Luckily none of my friends had seen the show, due to the massive amount of people packed into the tiny space, so they wouldn't be able to tease me about it later. It still haunts me, though, clearly.

So we brought James here. He was given the exact same drink. The exact same instructions. The exact same treatment from the other bargoers. Even the exact same bartender. But this punk. *sigh* This punk just nailed it. He goes, "Okay." Smiles, then takes the green shot and chugs the rest before we even sing his name. The nerve. No one else knew what was going on in my internal monologue, and I decided to keep it that way, so I just cheered him on and left it at that.

Afterwards I signed up to sing him a song. I don't remember what I sang, because I was pretty drunk by that point, but I do remember none of them paid me any attention. No matter how many times that happens, it still stings.

We moved on to our next location. It was only our second bar, but we were already so successfully drunk. A great level to be at, too, cause we were headed to The Peacock. The peacock is my favorite bar, and I am the only person who has ever been known to say that. I'm pretty sure even their most faithful regulars would say their favorite bar was Squirrel's or something. People think I'm joking when I say it. Or crazy. Or stupid. I'm sure some people think I'm all three, but in reality, I just like it. It's gross and messy, and that means I can be gross and messy and I'll be in good company. I love it there.

That being said, some of my worst times have been there.

The first time I saw Lexi outside of work, she was with our third, Amy, and our manager, Lucy. Lucy at work hated me, and honestly, Lexi and Amy weren't too fond of me either. Our work personalities mixed together in a very..... milk and soda kind of way. Which is to say, not well. (Don't mix milk and soda, it curdles, and its disgusting. Same with milk and fresh fruit. If you want milk products with your cherries, COOK YOUR CHERRIES.)

So I was just minding my business, singing Chandelier on the karaoke stage. I was bringing down the house. Not a dry eye. Standing ovations from everyone.

Okay, so, like, a couple people turned from their conversations to look, and the KJ told me I did great after.... But I brought down the house, y'know?

As I'm stepping off the stage, Lucy runs up to me and starts gushing about how amazing I was and how she didn't know I could sing. I don't remember exactly what she said, though, because I started having a panic attack. Lucy's basically the same age as me, but she was my manager and I was so intimidated that I could not handle the surprise of seeing her outside of the context of work. I stepped outside and sat on a bench. She sat next to me while I hyperventilated, and asked me why I wasn't okay. Like, dude. You scare me. But I couldn't say that. I couldn't really say anything, I was too busy working overtime on my breathing. Eventually Lexi came out and said, "Babe, let's go." That was Lucy's cue, and she took it. I was alone. I didn't go out to a bar with Lexi again until... Wait. Yeah. Yeah, until James's birthday. Fun.

So Lexi, James, James's random Bro-friends, and I get to the peacock. Within minutes, an out-of-towner, who was clearly there to make trouble, had locked onto our boi and was successfully convincing him to do something terrible. Lexi was gone scouting out a table, his other friends were in the bathroom, and I'm the dummy who didn't realize what was happening before it was too late. I saw the bartender deliver the AMF*. I connected the dots James was probably connecting.

"Ooh, blue drink, people telling me happy birthday. birthday drink, I'm gonna chug it." Probably.

So I yell to him, "Don't chug it!"

And this devil of a stranger tells him, " Chug it!"

And of course, he chugs it. I immediately pull him away and try to find our friends. I see Lexi and ask her which table we're at. She tells me it's upstairs, then asks me whats going on, because, at this point, I am nearly fully supporting the weight of this kid, and probably wincing in the process. I look her dead in the eye, and with absolutely no humor in my voice, tell her, "A rando made him chug an AMF."

"Shit."

"Yeah. Help me."

We tried to get him to the stairs, but realized quickly that that wasn't the move. His other friends reappeared and we very efficiently communicated what needed to be done. Soon he was safely hugging a porcelain bowl, saying adios to the AMF. He knew you briefly, you evil, evil, drink.

Once we all gathered outside, a group of college kids invited us to a party that they were going too, but James was hugging a telephone pole, so we politely declined, as we attempted to peel him off. Once he was wireless, we began the very long trek back to Lexi's house. It's unclear in my memory if we stopped for food. I really only remember half of the walk back. But, from what I do remember, James was as good as passed out, with a good friend under each of his arms, acting as his legs and support.

I'd call it a successful 21st.

*Adios Mother Fucker