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there is no preparing yourself for your first heartbreak...?
or is this my second, or one of a million.?
overall it is okay. it is not one thing. some times it is good even, and i am almost grateful to be humbled by the experience, as i am with other sad or traumatic memories.
but it is all the little times when the tiniest little thing invites you back into my head.
when im fighting with every fibre of my being to keep you out, cuz it hurts right now.
a tiny part of a song or something as little as a single word h
hurts so bad
its a deep hurt that doesnt really go away, you just have to pretend you dont feel it until you forget. but then it comes back
and i wonder if it will ever really go away forever
i dont want it to go away forever i want to fight and feel the pain youve left me forever
because im scared that we will never have trust or love again that will wash over me as deeply as this pain does
it feels like this is my last piece of you and im holding on and i want to hold on forever
i dont know how much is me being dramatic
i dont know how much has been me being dramatic
anymore
i dont believe or remember anything anymore all there is is pain and the words you cut me with and pools of my blood where i look into and dont see my own reflection, i only see you
i only see you
i want to see me again and im scared once i see me i will never be able to see you again
i wish you could have been bigger and longer and wider and older than you are so you could somehow protect me from this happening before it happened.
but thats why its so complicated.
you made it happen
how am i to ever believe anything again dude
i wanna kill you with my bare hands
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