my ex ruined love for me

now i've always believed i am BUILT for romantic love. i want cute dates, kissing as soon as you're alone, holding hands in public, blah blah blah right? i had that with my ex.

i genuinely thought it was real love, even though it lasted 2 months.

it was mine. i finally had it.

i then started to realise how whenever i'd go over to his house, something sexual had to happen and i was giving it. he referred to me, as a person, as 'star wars and head' and i didn't say anything about it.

i decided i would on a sunday when i went over to his house but he broke up with me on the friday saying 'i just don't think i should date'.

THEN he got with another 2 girls in the span of a month.

i realised he used me for my body when i saw true love there and the knowledge of that killed me.

he kept denying that he did when i opened up about it to my 'friends' - one of them ended up being one of the 2 girls - but he didn't seem apologetic. he was worried about his reputation, not what he did to me.

and i just keep thinking 'dude what..' because how could you look at a girl that loves you and reduce her down to a sex toy, its crazy

i keep getting memories of us two and it disgusts me how all the things he made me do mattered more to him than the love i showed

i think im scared of giving that to someone again as much as i want to

and one person ruined it for me

come on man </3