i am very upset

5/21/2026 11:03 PM

oughghsghg where do i even starttttt ugh

i don't wanna write a huge block of text i'm very upset . i am not looking for advice, i am venting. i wanna mention also that i highly suspect that i might have BPD which affects the way i feel about people sometimes. idk if that's important.

okay so. in 2023 i made online friends with someone, we're gonna call her H because... just because. idk. she's not gonna see this, she doesn't have spacehey (to my knowledge) but i still don;t want to put her on blast online, i'm just venting because i'm really hurt. so i made friends with H through someone else on an online social game, and by extension made lots more online friends (whom i love very dearly). H is very nice, she's funny and smart and a good listener. i know i'm not a perfect person, especially when i was younger i was so isolated i ended up being annoying because i wanted them to care about me, but i don't know what i did wrong to deserve this.  we haven't had any issues really, but around late november she said she wasn't gonna be active on the game anymore, so i had texted her on instagram some in early december and she never responded.

at first i was like, okay yeah she's just busy or tired or doesn't feel like talking, but i've noticed she's been active on instagram more recently, she's been liking posts from 2-3 weeks ago (instagram recommends you posts your friends like), and i just saw that she liked a post from Felix of Stray Kids from 14 hours ago. 14 HOURS. 

 SEVEN MONTHS. there is absolutely NO way she is not intentionally ignoring me. she has been ignoring me for SEVEN MONTHS. 

i can't tell any of our mutual friends either because i don't wanna hear that "she's just busy" bs. i get it, life happens, people get busy and are too tired to talk or want to spend their free time doing something else, and i'm perfectly okay with that. but this? for this long?? that's nothing more than an excuse. ishe's also used the "my notifications didn't work" excuse before, which my response to that right now would be: you have me added on multiple platforms. instagram, weverse, pinterest, hell you have me on FORTNITE. 'm so done with this. she is not "too busy" when she LITERALLY MET ONE OF OUR MUTUAL FRIENDS IN REAL LIFE A FEW WEEKS AGO. i'm irate. i don't even remember the last time i was THIS pissed.

i'm really hurt by this. i thought we were friends. i was one of her many internet kids, i lost so much sleep staying up until 4-6 AM just to talk to her. i cried for days out of guilt when a mutual friend told me i accidentally said something that was triggering for H. i made us friendship bracelets and wore them every day. i made her a drawing of one of her favorite singers for her birthday last year. she told me she cared about me. she told me she loved me. 

but i guess she only talked to me out of pity and/or a sense of obligation, like ohh here's this poor depressed queer teen with a crazy mom, i have to talk to him to make him feel better but as soon as i feel like i don't have to anymore i'm gonna ignore him for seven months!!!! gfy