𖤐they burned down the journal factory :((

𖤐recent listening : 

Now That We're Done - Metro Station

One-Eighty By Summer - Taking Back Sunday

Kanji Tattoos Still In Style - Reggie and the Full Effect

It's been a while since I last logged on, life is moving in some crazy ways at the moment.  I feel like I'm slipping back into old patterns again. 

I always get a weird mix of emotions when summer approaches. I feel this mysterious pressure to enjoy my life more. When you're in school, that makes sense. You only have a few months to enjoy before it's back to the grind. However, I've been out of school for years and that pressure never went away.  

I have a very small friend group now, I love them dearly. I'd do anything for them and I truly feel happy being around them.  All of us are busy, be it with school or full-time work just trying to stay afloat in this economy. That's not anyone's fault.  Sometimes I get so lonely I start wishing for the presence of old friends who hurt me beyond measure, I feel so isolated. I go to shows alone, I work alone, I go to school alone.  

In high school, I would spend days at a time over the summer at a close friends house. He lived nearby, and his mom let us get away with much more than my parents did. We would skateboard around the rich suburban neighborhoods that were under construction, wander around in the woods behind his house, stay up all night playing saint's row and surviving off hot pockets. He took me to warped tour once, and introduced me to so much of the music that shaped me to this day. 

He and I don't speak anymore. He betrayed me in a way that I hesitate to verbalize to anyone. 

Regardless of how dear to me my current friends are, I fear I'll never feel that same happiness again.  I think they're gonna forget my birthday.  They're too nice to tell me that they don't care about my hobbies.  They're my best friends. 

It's hard to live life by yourself.