Wise unc advice

Soooo..

I'm 20! Who would've thought? Shhh no one has to know bbg.

I think it's appropriate for younger audience to share some of my time spent on this spinning rock, two decades ain't no joke here, this life be tough. 

1. Don't set your house on fire

I set my dorm on fire as I'm writing this, I was trying to have some birthday breakfast (bread and butter w jelly) and I forgot the packaging of the butter was aluminum (I usually get paper ones) so yeah basically my microwave was on fire because I warmed it there. I put it out dw, I'm safe and sound main characters never die in the first season.

2. Don't forget wishes expire

The only uncomfortable thing about saying goodbye to my teens is all the things I didn't get to do. My loved ones tell me I can still do them, and that is true, yet I don't wish for them like I used to. I wanted to be a punk kid so bad, but I was raised in an religious home, so I used to always be insecure about the things that I wanted and never fully expressed myself. When I turned 17 the greatest thing I did was dying my hair half purple. My mom was furious at first, and my Andrew Tate loving brother was making fun of me , yet they all got used to it , it stopped being a thing after they understood I ll dye my hair as much as I want and no one can stop me. And I regretted not doing it sooner, not doing anything sooner. People are uncomfortable to change , but they get used to it with time. At some point you need to take the responsibility of being yourself and treating it like a holy mission of your life.

I can still get tattoos and a gf and piercings everywhere and listen to music that I like really loud and not apologize for being different...yet now I am not the angry teen I used to be. Now I wish for peace and quiet the older I get. So yeah, there goes that dream. I spent that time fitting into church dresses and hanging out with people that aren't even in my life anymore.

3.You can't get everything you wish for 

I always thought Sylvia Plath's fig tree allegory was beautiful. It sees dreams as figs, yet you can't make every wish come true, picking one means losing the other. I m the type of person that watches dreams wither because I can't pick one. I don't know who I want to be. The tricky part is...that's the whole point. So don't wish for many things! Wish for one. And if u like it keep it. Only then move on to the next. Life's too short for spending more time generating dreams rather than materializing them. Dostoevsky said ''Your worst sin is that you betrayed yourself for nothing."

I'm pretty sure I betrayed myself by inventing excuses to be comfortably numb (wow did I just invent a Pink Floyd song). I always told myself ''you can't do this'' when I would wish for something a bit more difficult to do. I would also call giving up a form of modesty, when it was foolishness. As I am 20 I get a terrifying fear of death, I would do this all over again like 3 times and then probably die , and that's a good case if life expectancy is 60 by the time we get closer to the 22nd century.

I wish I could go back and hype that kid I used to be up. No excuse is worth becoming a stranger to your desires, those give you a sense of self, why wouldn't u want a purpose , a direction in life? Knowing who you are can take you farther than any knowledge there is, it's your compass for existing. If you give up on your dreams you will feel as lost as I did.

4. Have some compassion

I'm not a pessimistic queen, I promise. Although I wish I took more action, I understand that I grew up in a small town, in a conservative family, and I was struggling with socializing. I used these as excuses and that's not okay, but still... I know I did my best. Sometimes you can't do life by the book and that's okay, as long as you do your best everyday that's okay. I will forgive myself for not reaching my potential and try harder this next decade. It sounds like I am dismissing what I said earlier, but really, two truths can exist at once, you can forgive yourself, but also keep you accountable for your mistakes. Hate never leads to self growth , at least to me as a woman idk how the male brain works like. (hope I don't sound misandrist, I ain't bro )

5. Decorate your ''inner'' room

Everyone wants to have a cool Pinterest room, so they could feel awesome in their space. What about our minds? How do we decorate our mental walls? I sure put a lot of anxious thoughts out there and started at the ''my life is shit'' movie trailer everyday. Thoughts matter. This is why we struggle with loneliness a lot , both men and women, we just don't know how to comfort our own selves anymore. Relationships aren't left to breathe under the pressure that one partner must always regulate the other. Insecure people rewind that negative script and don't rewrite it ever. I sure struggle with this, reframing things, realizing I am the one in charge, not my anxiety.

It's the hardest thing to do, to self regulate, if growing up you don't know what safety is. I am almost scared of it, yet I desire it so much. Peace sounds disregulating to me, its foregin, my brain doesn't tolerate emotional novelty that well, because I wanna always feel in control of my emotions. Yet it's my new wish and I will honour it. I want to make my mind a nice place to be in, a creative space, that gives back, not an energy sucker for everyone around.

Thanks for reading my thoughts. What do you think about them?