Dating is hard

Every time I’m lonely and say “literally anyone would do”  the universe seems to maliciously comply and send a mf who’s like the sole exception to go like me 

In the past it’s been people I hate or known creeps

Right now it’s this freshman who has been texting me every single day for the last month and a half and it’s seriously pissing me off. Not the fact that he likes me— I fear that crushing on a sophomore is a freshman canon ever that not even the likes of I have been spared from— but because I hate hate hate having to talk to someone and knowing that my each and every word is being twisted in their mind to suit their fantasy of me. 

He’s completely straight and well aware that I’m trans, but chooses to deny it (as I’ve heard from our friends) to suit his idealized Rowan and continues to pursue me.. While I’m no stranger to just ghosting people who bother me, I genuinely wanted to be good friends with him because up until now, I’ve always felt like a mentor to him. Not only that, but even if I changed my mind and wanted to ghost him, I literally need to be on good terms with him— we’ll have to march together in the same section for two years. If you’re unfamiliar with marching band, that’s an absurd amount of hours to be stuck with someone weekly. 

It just makes my skin crawl dude. Every day my phone buzzes with another dumbass icebreaker question or request to hangout with our mutual friends then “do something just me and you afterwards” (fucking ew). Today he literally asked me “What kind of person is your type” and upon listing two things which he very much is not, he tried to pass it off as a JJK reference. Brother.

I almost have to get offended cause my man do you think I’m that stupid 😭 do I look that easy 😭 Im not a dry texter, I live to please people and obsessively uphold my reputation, but god does he bring the asshole out of me. This is the method I’ve resorted to, and my hope is that he’ll just. Get the hint. And move on without confessing. He’s such a sweet guy and I hate to be pissed at him but bro leave me tf alone 

Him aside, it’s hard not to feel like I’ll never find what I’m looking for. I’m a really short trans guy, masc presenting in every way I can control, feminine exclusively against my will, so every guy who’s been attracted to me in the past few years has been so with their self-made expectations that I’d be a girl, or a femboy, or a bottom, or even androgynous for them. It’s seriously tiring. I’m not a blank slate, you’ve just decided you like the concept of me under you. It’s gross.

Ok guys like and subscribe and hit the bell if u liked my rant ok sweet bye