Thoughts 614

I don't think I want a friend nor a lover

But i do want something 

Something that would make me feel les lonely 

Because for some reason even when I'm surrounded by people i feel utterly alone 

I feel pathetic trying to connect with others 

Like what am I even doing 

Even when it goes well I find a way to mees it up

Its embarrassing honestly 

I feel completely ashamed of myself 

I either say to much or to little but never enough 

I don't want to sound like "woe is me"

But this unfortunately my reality 

The one that I keep creating over and over again 

I am the maker of my prison so right do I have to complain 

I'm honestly quit sick of myself 

I say stay weird as a way to cope

Weirdness seems to be the only constant in my life 

I feel in-human characteristically

The way its jarring how I never fit

I put my bet on the next thing 

Pretending that it's the environments fault 

I put the blame on everything except me or me and nothing else 

Why must I be so black and white

It's disgusting 

My skin itches and I feel like throwing up

I take for granted every opportunity 

I'll just be that crazy girl

Even when people try to see the positive in me I always spoil it

Like lemon in good milk making it courddel 

The things I like don't like me back

And I choose to love those that hate me

My tummy hurts