My difficult journey to self-acceptance & why Noelle Holiday helped it

Dear Diary,

My story about accepting myself is quite complex, but I'll try... ahem.

(btw, pfp by @/mysteriously_ink on Instagram)

So, I was born in a country where homosexuality is considered an "abomination" and a "suffering." I didn't question it much, but I listened to what they told me. Then, there were girls in my neighborhood that I found extremely pretty, and cartoon/anime girls too. What interested me about girls back then was their body type, whether they were fat, thin, flat, curvy, tall, short, black, white, it didn't matter, I loved them all, and every girl was a treasure to me. Then I started remembering what I'd been told: "homosexuality is wrong and illegal". I thought maybe if I just limited myself to being impressed by female bodies, it would be okay (I know, that's really gay XD).

Then one day, I started developing romantic feelings for a girl from an anime: Shinon, from SAO (Sword Art Online). She was cute, sweet (though brutal in the game), and I simply adored her. I don't remember trying to "come to my senses" at that time, just that I was doin some SAO-style AUs on Gacha Life XD. Anyway, I grew up, and around 13, I started questioning myself, thinking, "Why are they telling me homosexuality is wrong? There's no valid reason!" So I started researching different sexualities and identities. I don't know, at some point I remembered that I liked girls. I realized it, but, silly me, I called myself "hetero-curious" (that's most often the excuse bisexual people use, lmao!). But I felt something was wrong when I said I was "hetero-curious." Deep down, I KNEW I liked girls. I just needed to be at peace with myself.

Then I played Undertale, and I started to get to know homosexuality and accept myself a little more (Alphyne helped me a lot), but apparently it wasn't enough. And a few months later, I played Deltarune. I learned to love the characters, to understand their personalities and their level of craziness, haha ​​XD. But then there's... Noelle Holiday.

Her crush on Susie was THE thing that showed me it's not shameful to be a girl and love girls. Honestly, I don't know why I was afraid to admit I love girls, given how queer-friendly I already was with everyone. I don't understand why I was so hard on myself. Anyway, Noelle demonstrated that lesbian love is a pure and normal thing, just like gay or straight love. Her crush on her was treated with such normalcy that I was shocked. Usually, I only saw negative portrayals of lesbians in certain other media. But with Alphys, Undyne, and Noelle, I felt so understood and normal that I now have Noelle as my favorite character - but I'll talk about that later X3 - I definitely wasn't educated enough about my OWN community, and I thought that, basically, lesbianism was for p*rn 😑😑😑 (yeah, you can shit on me, I feel like killing myself too).

So I decided to accept myself and went from "curious heterosexual" to "sapphic". I had done some research, and the term that best suited me was 'sapphic,' because I didn't really see myself as bisexual or pansexual. Then I started to think a little more about my sexuality, I did some research, and I found what suited me perfectly! "Omnisexuality". An omnisexual person is attracted to all genders, just like pansexual and bisexual people, but the only difference is that an omnisexual person prefers one gender in particular. And in my case, obviously, I prefer girls! ♀️( ˊᵕˋ )♡

So here's my difficult journey to self-acceptance. If you too are living - or know someone - who is living a life where they can't accept themselves because of their environment, help them by letting them talk to you about why they can't be themselves (religious beliefs, family prohibitions, restrictions in their country, etc.) and really listen. Okay, my little donutakus, that's all for today! Don't forget, love is love, and accept yourselves as you are, who cares about the haters!! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ Byyyyyye (>3<) ❤