all you can eat buffet steak

i cant remember shit and im so happy

05/14/2026-

im watching this movie called shortbus and honestly its super enjoyable but i cant really recommend it to anyone. if you watch like 2 minutes of the movie youll understand why. this gay polygamous guy (james) just said "i look back and the tings i wrote when i was 12 and im still looking for the same things" and breaks down crying in front of this dominatrix (severin). and tbh bro i feel that bc if i still remembered the things that i would fucking hate my life lmao. he tries to overdose on pills and drown himself later in the movie and im like damn my brother just another me 😂😂 you gay and you cant swim son im crine my mom never told me i had a twin 😂😂

05/10/2026-

a couple of days ago my friend was telling us that he was starting to forget about his ex. i was confused for a second but my other friend chuckled and frankly said "yeah man, thats kinda what happens when people move on. you just forget." i agreed, and i didnt give it much thought. it made sense. i had no reason not to agree, especially when i had such a hard time with remembering already. 

my most profound thoughts happen when im going to sleep. its unfortunate because im too sleepy to wake myself up and write them down to force myself to remember. theyre not really too profound anyway, so who cares, right? im not the brightest. 

i laid on the floor and i could already feel a hangover coming. i tell people a lot about what my parents have done to me. contrary to popular belief, my mother loves me. she tells me how well-mannered i am for an american boy. as i drooled on my carpet i thought about what made me that way. you know, "well-mannered". i dont remember. i sure as hell didnt get it from my parents, so i couldnt tell you. i turned to the other side to get an even drool distribution on both sides of my face since one side was getting soggy. i realized again how much i was forgetting. im forgetting about all the love letters i wrote for my ex. im forgetting about all the times i stayed up all night deciding whether to let go or not. im forgetting about all the times i smoked myself stupid so i could finally cry. im forgetting about all the times i cut at my above my wrists until i couldnt see an inch of clear skin on my arm. 

its like it never happened.

its like i never happened. 

i cant ever remember anything, and my friend reminded me that that was okay.
people ask me why i dont regret anything. its not that im some kind of narcissist or that i could do no wrong. its that i derive principles from my experiences. i live and i learn. im made of my experiences, or rather what i learn from them. i forget my experiences but never my principles, and i cant regret anything i dont remember. at this rate, i could forget everything and still be me. it doesnt seem so bad. maybe im just saying things. i cant remember shit and im so happy. everything im saying isnt new. ive thought it all before and ive known it all, i just decided id jot it down while i remembered, i guess.

05/14/2026- 

okay....... i lied....... i can recommend this movie..... this is the first movie i watched in a while and  i enjoyed it.........

again its called shortbus and tbh the whole movies premise is having sex and theres a lot of sex but the plot and the characters and story is so sweet and also not so sweet idk man (insert sex) i want this movie on dvd and might rewatch it in a while. 

a lot of the movie takes place inside this place called the shortbus where sexually queer (or not) people come to make friends, have fun, and discover themselves sexually. its in new york and its so colorful and seems so awesome to mingle in there OUTSIDE OF THE ORGIES AND SEX which i cannot admit to liking and also idk i wish there was a social place to mingle here in my city which wasnt far and full of horrible terrible people and also DOESNT REVOLVE AROUND SEX. is that crazy??? maybe im crazy... heh... crazy? i was crazy once. they locked me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats. and rats make me crazy. crazy? i was crazy once. they locked me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats. and rats make me crazy. crazy? i was crazy once. they locked me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats. and rats make me crazy. crazy? i was crazy once. they locked me  in a room.a rubber room. a rubber room with rats. and rats make me crazy. crazy? i was crazy once. they locked me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats. and rats make me crazy. crazy? i was crazy once. they loocked me in a room. a rubber room. a rubbser room with rats. and rats make me crazy. crazy? i was crazy once. they locked  me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats. andn rats make me crazy. crazy? i was crazy once. they locked me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats.  and rats make me crazy. crazy? i was crazy once. they locked me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats. and rats make me crazy. crazy? i was crazy once. they locked me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats. and rats make me crazy. maybe i dont go outside enough to find these places. idk man i think i just want to hang out and meet new people. i like playing neighbors on roblox and its a shame that everyone on there is 9 years old, dry, doesnt want to talk (???), israeli, or wants to get in my pants. not everyone i guess i have a friend that i met off of there and shes chill. im kinda ranting so ima shut up now.


04/05/2026-

every once in a long while my parents and i go to this ahh and lowkey dirty all you can eat buffet and eat like 7 steaks. theyre pretty good. i wasnt that hungry today so i only had 5. i wanna take my friends who dont really have high standards at all here. one of my friends already is down for it but i think hed be down for anything with steak involved. heres a picture of the steak.