Entry3-carpe diem

my days go by so slow and so fast. Its like im in a dream and sometimes i feel like im on autopilot.

 i love love nature and this weather. I see so many beautiful trees and even the grass is so beautiful and the wheat also. 

But i also feel disgusted by humans nowadays. I mean its so disturbing to imagine that this body that we all have is a pile of meat and as soon as your soul leaves it it will no longer be you because your body is never even the real you to begin with. Obviously i knew this for a long time but im only starting to feel what it means. And it especially disgusts me to see people eat for some reason. 

the idea of different kind of pleasures and entertainment right now also disgust me and so does the goal of it and the corporations who make these. The only reason we eat sweets and buy new technology and use AI and go to clubs is because its convenient and makes us feel good and for others its money that makes them feel good and all we want to do is to feel good but once there was a time when we could feel good without all these artificial things. 

Obviously i will continue to eat sweet stuff and i will continue to pay for entertainment sadly or not. Im eating ice cream though i havent been craving it for months now and sweets start to also disgust me for this reason. Chips too. Ew. To think about people eating chips and licking their fingers... It feels so weird to think about us being animals biologically and seeing how animalistic we can be. Everything disgusts me.

 I wish i could be a soul wandering around. Though its nice to be able to touch grass and feel the breeze on your skin, i wish i didnt have to feed myself and seek pleasures and do everything to survive. But I do believe that there will be a day when i will be free of all these burdens of the body. And soul. So even though i know this its difficult to restrain myself . And of course this doesnt meant im anti entertainment or whatever it just makes me feel weird to think about.

But this disgust towards my body will probably pass soon, i must be in just a bad mood.

Maybe its my own greed that disgusts me sometimes. But eventually i’ll learn to ignore it again, or live in a way that aligns with my values. Im such a hypocrite sometimes.

How do i want to live?

 I want to live in a more difficult way. I want to live simpler, but harder. We used to hoe fields and read books and play outside in nature. That was entertainment. We wrote poems and sang, we went fishing, played instruments. I would certainly feel better living in a farm having to work everyday. I feel the best after working. I dont want life to be convenient and just comfortable. This is not what life is. 

There are two kinds of people in this generation:

Who is all for technology and AI, AKA who’s only goal is to get through life and while be as comfortable and lazy as possible.

The other one wants to live. The other one wants to experience life, with all its troubles. The other wants to sieze the day.