sponge

im coming into an understanding of who i am and what i believe in a way ive never done before. i feel confident in the person i am and her morals and views. im getting into photo editing and suprisingly drawing which is something ive had a burning hatred for 4 a looong time. im feeling balanced and calm when i do things. i know that in the end its my life, i will make my choices, i will choose things for myself others may not have chosen for me but i will be at peace with the decisions i make because i am the only one that chose to make them. ive started a new job, its okay the pay is decent, the people are chill, the customers are interesting. im not bored there but its not particularly interesting either. i have so much love for the people i am close too. i recently got suspended because a freshman said i forced her to hide my vape (i have never owned a vape) and i now have to go to classes to help me "stop vaping" as a court order repercussion for the misdemeanor charge i got for that ordeal. my grades are okay, all A's and B's. i have prom on the 26th with my boyfriend at our school, my dress is brown hopefully he actually buys the tickets. if he doesn't i have another prom im going to on the 2nd of june and it will be on a boat, im trying to find a dress this sunday at the mall. eli's (eli is my boyfriend) his birthday is the 23rd and im trying to find a gift for him. last sunday he picked me up and made me lunch and we sat on his back porch steps and smoked his  cigarettes from the gas station. i really don't smoke often anymore but this was in a different way it wasn't smoking for a high, or for the sake of filling the never ending void of nicotine cravings caused by an addiction it was different and peaceful. we smoked and talked, it was raining a little but it was still warm and humid out. his dog ran around in his yard barking at the squirrels running a long the fence. we kissed and it was sweet. we spent the rest of the day laying in his bed talking about everything ever until we were both tired and then took a nap. ive never fallen asleep with a man while sober before. it was peaceful and different then it was when i was geeked off benadryl with the only other guy ive actually fallen asleep next to. hes a peaceful influence in my life and i treasure that. today we saw a door to door salesman on a hoverboard, weird. im getting into music i previously disliked from a purely preformative outlook, a fear of looking stupid but i don't mind enjoying stereotyped music. shallow people make shallow judgments over trivial things. i am not a shallow person and dont aspire to surround myself with shallow hearts.