I did three lines of coke and dissociated

My nights fade away in a pillar of smoke and the wisp of a dream that eludes me

Sleep is an abstract concept, Death's cousin twice removed who was never invited to the family reunion

If I believed in God I'd thank him every day that my heart has no consciousness

Because what would keep it pumping blood? It's eventual that it's going to stop; Why not now?

For the time being, our hearts are just muscles, and I'm thankful that our organs are slaves to biology

I don't have to worry about betrayal from within my own ribs, whatever abscess rests there isn't malignant

Neither are the spirits that cling to the droop of my eyes, navy and sunken

I can see because they can't, I am the breathing witness of this wedge of reality

Do they make homes within my veins? Curl up around my vascular nerve, feel the pulse of my existence with every passing second?

I don't feel haunted but I hardly feel alone

I don't feel like myself, either

"Myself" is as much of an idea as sleep

I haven't felt like them since before I could feel

Whoever is inside my body floats there, untethered from whatever buoy they came from

They are me but I am not them; They have my eyes but don't see what I do; They have my voice but speak in a language I can't understand

We coexist like the melting horizon between the sky and the sea

Two different shades of blue fading into one another, inexplicably tied together by an unnamed law of the universe