hello and reflection - 5/12/26

dear diary today i was 4 and a half years old and i played with firetrucks and monster trucks 

i've had this account for like a year at this point now (or over really)
it's also been like a month or two since i've last been on here lol
the month or so was kinda uneventful i stopped going to the gym when i couldn't mooch off my friends goodwill anymore. they changed the door system so i couldn't just follow him in when he opened it anymore and im not paying like FIFTY BUCKS A MONTH!?? (bougie ass fucking friends parents) for that shit. the time for it was nice though and it let me know that the gym kind of thing is something i genuinely enjoy doing.

reflecting on last year, it was kind of embarrassing for me (not as overtly squandered as 2023 and 2024) but still a very weird and rocky year nonetheless. well actually thats too nice to those years. 2023 and 2024 were dogshit and the ultimatum of the lame ass loser kind of habits and behaviors i fell into as a person. 
2025 was only rocky insofar as me trying to do a complete olympic ass pivot double backflip somersault out and away from those behaviors and the spaces that were making me continue them, and also in general me getting my head in check. kind of like a gap year. i didn't do too great but i was and think i still am improving and growing as a person.

23 and 24 were lame and i totally squandered them but ultimately im pretty much fine with it being what happened cuz it made me who i am today and who i am today is a guy that could do basically whatever i want i feel like (while respecting the awesome people around me (even the ones i dont know)). i have never felt more personally empowered or like ontop of myself as a human being as i do now and i am confident it is literally only gonna go up from here. not to say that i hit rock bottom just that i was really deplorable in a way even i finally couldnt stand so i started READING THE GOOD SHIT fuckin philosophy i read up on stoicism on human psychology on so much shit and the moral of that is that the internet has everything you could ever want to learn and understand anything and also that no human being should ever use twitter. god forsaken pipeline hell. other people have found equilibrium with what if provides but if i want entertainment i'll watch my medium to longform content on youtube (or set sail) and play games and talk to people and theres NO DRAMA in any of that shit (most of the time) 

ok im just rambling now but i know you might be wondering, what's the real takeaway? the real takeaway is that ronald reagan is the worst president in american history. (really it's the heritage foundation that propped him up and fulfilled their agendas through him and are still actively doing that now with the gop and much of the democratic party but shh) thanks for reading and hope you're havin a good one. drink some water brush your teeth and be a little grateful for this lovely life we all get to live