Jack of all trades and a master of nothing

(Rant post)

I lived on an island surrounded by water where dreamers dreamt and dreamers died, I didn't know what to do on my little isolated island besides dream of becoming someone, all I knew I wanted was to open a little bakery away from there, but with dreams meant dreaming of other things to become, I tired most things the island had to offer, cross country, jobs, summer student, those never got me anywhere, I tired hobbies, cooking, baking, reading, beading, arts and crafts, but it didn't last long, so I just played my youth away playing video games dreaming... after a while I got tired of it all and told myself, "your gonna end up like a bum just like the rest of them" and I suppose that scared me, I didn't want to end up like a bum begging for change and being looked down upon. I didn't want to become a disappointment to my family. So I gave it my all, I tired to learn code, I'm slowly teaching myself Russian.

I worked myself tirelessly in academic pressure, I know how to cook, I know how to clean, I know how to make masks cardboard and paper and monster cans, I work myself tirelessly hoping I make something good out of it and putting the academic pressure onto myself despite the need for rest.

I get upset when someone tells me I'm doing something wrong because I think "I did this hundreds of times" when in reality I did the thing once and moved on to other projects, I knew music like a lifeline until I thought I needed something more meaningful. So I joined the military for a bit until I was discharged because I pushed myself to hard. I feel like a disappointment for not finishing the things I do... which is a lot of things I don't finish. man how I hate myself for trying