Losing motivation

These past few months I haven't been feeling like myself. I haven't felt like myself in probably 8 months or longer. I've felt too tired to do anything, my grades are absolute shit right now and I might have to take summer school for make up work, I feel way more anxious and paranoid. And with that I haven't been making as much art as I used to. I've had my current sketchbook for almost one whole year already and it only has like around 20 pages that I've finished. 

And it sucks because there's so much I want to do, but it's like my brain and body just don't want to do anything. And I really think it's because of just how school is going for me. I'm not really the smartest kid but I do have a brain (I hope). But I'm just on the literal edge of just breaking down hard. I've felt so tired and scared, I fear my pills aren't working at all, my mom thinks I'm just lazy and stupid, having some issues with my boyfriend, my grades in school, just all piling up into one big mess in my head. I don't want to be those people who are self diagnosing all like "omg i'm SOOO sad I'm like so depressed guys" but I believe it has something at least somewhat related to depression. I feel so lost, and I don't feel safe telling anyone about this more, because it just ended up with me crying and feeling bad I opened up. I've been losing myself. Maybe I'm just growing up. 

Who fuckin knows.