I dunno if I wanna be "fixed"

I've always thought there is a lot wrong with me, and it's usually bothered me a lot. 

Mainly with my health problems, mental issues, and depression with autism combo, but now that the health problems are mainly gone, and I've been feeling okay for a while, I'm kind of okay with where I am now. 

I mean, being autistic does make it harder to talk to some people, but I already have a pretty nice friend group that understands me, and even with the depression making it hard to respond sometimes, having a group of friends that actively ask if I'm on makes me feel needed, and by proxy makes me feel reliable for being able to hang out with them. 

So, even though I still think I'm not completely normal, I'm pretty okay with that now. I do regret some things I've done because of it, but I don't think it's entirely my fault now, I tried my best with what I could do.

I kinda miss being in a relationship though. I miss the feeling of having someone waiting for me when I get home, and being able to see someone I love smiling when seeing me. I miss her smile, and her laugh. At least I don't cry when I think about her anymore. I wish I didn't mess that up, but it's in the past now. No use dwelling on it, but I can definitely learn from it. 

Sorry that this blog is a bit different from the past few, loves.

But I just kinda wanted to write this down while I could actualize the thoughts into digital writing. 

I hope everyone has a good night, and gets plenty of sleep. I hope to hear from everyone who wants to write to me <3

-Hazel_Holiday.