why i hate my family part 67

my mom seriously believes im still a baby

and that i dont deserve a phone

and when i said shu baby im almost in grade 10 in two
years ill be in uni

2-3 years

she said youre always on the phone from grade6 till now
ur on the phone and i said mita grade6 you gave me the phone when i was g8.

and she just said since i gave it to you youve been on it
constantly

And she says “ur always on ur phone” HOE U GUYS DOJT EVEN
DO NUN

WELL YEAH MOTHER FUCKER YOU GAVE ME IT WHEN EVERYONE
ALREADY HAD THEIRS AND WAS ALREADY UP WITH EVERY TREND AND EVERYTHING AND IVE
BEEN TRYING TO CATCH UP WITH THEM SO I CAN HAVE THE FUCKING OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE
FRIENDS.

god damn

she said you dont have to talk to anyone you see them at
school sa7? khalas thats all you need

i told her i only see my friends in break and during
assembly which is like 15% of my time at school

and she said i dont care you dont have to talk to them
you dont have to see them

shes so annoying no joke

like she gives me no choice other than to disobey what
she wants so that i can have an actual chance at life and friendship and a
social personality

she says why dont you reach out to any of ur aunts or any
of your cousins

because i was basically taught my whole life to not talk
to anyone.

im trying to get better at complimenting people or
increasing my volume or my self worth when talking to someone because i was
just constantly degraded and i didnt know how to communicate with people
without constantly being a people pleaser

all taught by her because i have to be princess like

but reminds me on a daily basis that i was supposed to be
a boy and that i shouldnt have been a girl

i ruined the sibling pattern or whatever the fuck

like dont piss me off

im already pissed off

sometimes shes nice to me but the moment i decide im
gonna talk to her about my feelings or i legit just go over to her at random
times in the day when shes eating chips and watching reels and i ask her
"how are you mama" she legit says " shu bidik?" "huda
5ili 3ani" "mish mitfaygalik"

LIKE OKAY?!??

amd then she says you guys never talk to me! and you guys
wouldnt care if i died! and bs like that

and my dad on the other hand

whenever he travels anywhere

and he gets us something

he would get me the most girl shit ive ever seen. it
would be the most hot pink bag EVER.

(from experience)

he would get my sisters whatever they wanted

but when it comes to me?

nah shes a baby shes just a little girly girl that like
pink and is always happy and greatful for anything!

TAKE ONE FUCKING LOOK AT HOW I DRESS.

if you just take one look

a glimpse even

its like my dad knows i like doing manly stuff like
beating up my brother for fun

arm wrestling

wearing hats and hoodies and jorts

but he refuses to actually be interested in his own
daughters likes and dislikes.

(not to forget to mention the fact that he beats the shit out of me for small things. and my mom yells at me for small things like calling my fucking friends.)

im so sick and tired of them always being angry at me and
always blaming shit on me thats literally not my fault. and it would be the
most random shit

one could say its just a joke! its just a joke!

but when jokes are repetitive and continue happening over
an over for every single fucking thing its not a joke anymore.

like it could be anything. literally anything.

oh the soap run out akeed huda poured it out into the
sink she just loves wasting my money

oh the icecream in the freezer finished huda ate it all
cuz shes a fat ice cream monster

oh this broke? akeed huda broke it

oh this went wrong? kila min huda

every fucking thing its not funny anymore wallah it was
never even funny to begin with

its so annoying and it ruins my whole entire mood

and its not just ina they say that and then nothing they
have to keep saying stuff like huda always breaks stuff huda always ruins
everything huda always eats all the food in the house

they have to justify why they said that in that sarcastic
bitchy tone and i hate it so fucming much

its not just my parents who do this its mostly bushra and
aboud my dad does it alot too

and always mocking me after every single thing i say

always.

like literally i cant remember a time where i wasnt
mocked or mimicked for the way i speak or fro a word i said wrong

like please stop

seriously its not funny and it makes me wanna bury myself
in a whole and die a extermely painful death

and u say why dont you respond to them? i do. i just know
theres no point cuz i know ill be mocked for what i reply

i cant win

theres no where for me to fucking go or no where for me
to win in this family

im constantly getting either mocked or laughed at or
berated or yelled at and i dont get a single moment to myself without someone
ruining it.

especially when im upset or crying i get laughed at or if
i have "a proper reason to cry" ill be comforted by the whole entire
house and after a while if i dont stop crying ill get yelled at and be called
dramatic and annoying (from experience btw)

like i wish for one day they would just leave me alone.

i would have the time of my life

i would sing and dance around the house and make myself
yummy breakfast lunch and dinner

i would watch what i want to on the tv without being
diddled

i wouldnt be constantly disturbing everyone