worrying.

I love my father, but i think the one thing I will never forgive him for is the way he raised me to always worry for the worst. 

candle lit in your room? that's a house fire waiting to happen

talking about how the USA has a horrendous president? that's jail time waiting to happen

eternal silence from someone you care about? that caring is one sided now.

not going to university for education? that's one more homeless person added to the street.

I have taught myself to be very logical when thinking and understand that in life, everything happens for a reason. so why stay worrying about what could happen and instead focus on what is happening? unfortunately, this is way easier said than done. not a day goes by for me now where I don't start worrying, and If it was just the normal levels of worrying that everyone faced I wouldn't even be typing this out. but this is the kind of worrying that raises your blood pressure. I have a candle lit as I type this out and the truth is that I have it isolated on its own in fear that this house will burn down now. I continue to talk about T being a horrendous president yet I fear that the freedom of expression rules in Canada refuse to apply to me. Everyone I have ever cared about if they go silent for long durations I start to believe that I am the one that has done something wrong, that is why I am starting to communicate with everyone as soon as I get the chance too in fear that someone else is worrying about me. and education? after my denial at western I have ZERO clue where I am going with my life, so you can imagine the speech within this household on the topic of my future.

The important thing is while all this is happening, I try to stay sane. I try to continue to do the things I love to do even if it means a pounding headache all the time as sometimes I can't soothe the nerves I need to soothe. as realistically, this is ALL overthinking. A candle will not burn your home if you are careful, You should continue to express your freedom of expression and not fear what needs to be heard and said, A friend staying silent and not responding to you does not mean that they are no longer friends they just need their own time. And university is not the only form of education that will get you set for life, not that it even matters because you have to follow your dreams. not some bullshit stereotype someone enforced for post-secondary education.

With Love,