Shes a stray

She's a dog and that's just how it is. Her canines are sharper and longer than most. She bares them like a bad dog often, with her observant eyes narrowed and her head held low. She'll avoid your approach but always watches while she circles and stalks, sniffing only when you're not looking. She's never hurt anyone (not considering her resource guarding). She whines and cries when she thinks she's done wrong, even if she hasn't. But a dog that bears its teeth is too intimidating to pet, so they don't.

She's been to over 50 houses between three masters, but nothing becomes sanctuary. She's been kept in more than 12 kennels, but she doesn't play nice most of the time, often coming across as feral. Eating out of the trash didn't help. She gets looks when she walks into a room and everyone watches with weary eyes. It's happened in all the godforsaken kennels she got dropped off at. The caretakers don't like her very much but they are forced to pay attention to the inadvertent disarray. One of her masters raised her right at first, the other never did. She was restless when young and barked loudly, played for hours, and pretended she didn't hear when someone would call her over. That habit became an affliction when the master that neglected training left and another took their place. That's why she ran away. That's why she's a stray now. That's why she is only cooperative if you hurt her; she fears no punishment but harm that you can see. Most of the time there isn't a need though because the training lingers ingrained and unwelcome. Being a stray suits her. She's more loyal than most once she creeps into life that will half-heartedly let her stay, even when it's not meant for her. She's still a dog after all, it's her nature. She'll do her part with nothing in return like a good stray. She's just happy to experience even half of what belonging feels like. Giving.

With other dogs she'll form a small pack with other stragglers. She'd shed blood for them if needed, doesn't matter whose. The other dogs don't seem to notice. If anything they're bothered by her constant trailing  at first until she becomes a presence too customary to change, causing them to habituallize it. She can be observed watching them from the back or sides of the group. They look when she barks and attempts to play but only for a few seconds before the consequence of a shallow bond pulls them away leaving her to trail behind again with those longing eyes. She snaps her teeth at other dogs her circle doesn't realize are maliciously tailing behind them. Which is more than the caretakers, who barely even glance when she bays for a modicum of acknowledgement.

Everyone has tried to guess her breed. She's a hound, sport, herding, working. They make her do it all though because she's "definitely got something in her". She's smart so she can be used for everything, she'll figure it out. She always follows a master's orders. This begs the question: Is she a good dog because she can do what is asked? Or a bad dog because none of it seems to fit her? She stopped trying to figure it out a while ago, and anyway none of the conjectures match as much as stray. Those who remain curious for long enough eventually also settle for stray. She agrees. She is reminded when leaning into touch, closing her eyes and out a huff of gratitude. She knows it's not what she's wanted for. That's just not the type of use she's bread for.

Very few stay long enough to put her at ease. However if she's held and pet or spoken to in a soft voice, that's when she puts the fangs away and the snarling stifles into soft rumbling. If she hasn't known pain from your voice, or the empty spot you leave, and most importantly if you've been there for long enough, she'll let you reach out, to a point. There's still a line she hasn't let anybody cross again. Currently she's too wary to approach and nudge the hand that's been kind or lay her head on your lap to sleep, but she'll whine for it when she lies alone in the dark. She can't fight the urge to give in to receiving even a cheap imitation of affection when she knows the contributor just needs any dog, not necessarily her to accept something like that. If they reach out first though, her heart races too fast, her body relaxes too much, her brain gets too fuzzy, her voice too soft, her breath too uneven, her eyes too telling and heavy, her cigarette scented fingers wrapped too tightly on the other, and the tattered old clothes on her tense back too irrelevant to tell you you shouldn't be this close to a stray. To explain that she's too stained and erratic. That strays are not worth the trouble; they have nothing of value to offer, and you shouldn't feed something like her who is bound to come back. Some know this weakness and count on it because they witness her inability to care when she realizes why they count on her to capitulate. She's very useful and loyal like a good dog. A purpose is as good as affection is too good for a stray.

But when they return to their own life at the end of the day it's back to eating the scraps and leftovers she finds that were going to be thrown out the next day. Back to getting worked and otherwise neglected, back to belonging nowhere and reverencing companionship again. Feeling the ghost of warmth left on her skin from what might have been weeks ago. She knows it's too far for a stray dog like her to reach so she lets it drown into her languid beast memory like everything else. She always returns to the mindset that allows her the most serviceability.