I’m unhealthy, and I’m coming to terms with it.

Wednesday, April 29th, 2026.

I am unhealthy, I have mentally hit rock bottom. I am accepting it.

For me, this admission has been a long time coming.

I am unhealthy, and I think today I’ve come to terms with it.

For the past year, I have wondered why my memory seems to have gotten worse and worse. My grades have slowly slipped, I am performing worse on tests, and overall my cognitive and critical thinking skills have worsened. There, I admit it, I am becoming dumber.

I used to be smart, and though I never had a perfect memory, I know that I used to be able to recall things at a much better rate than now. A few days ago, I couldn’t remember what a proverb was. I sound dumber, and I realize it while I write this- I cannot ameliorate things in the same way I could in middle school.

For the last three years, my sleep schedule has deteriorated. I sleep an average of 4 hours, and oversleep on the weekends. Doing research these past few days, I came to the discovery that poor sleep can affect your cognitive thinking and recollection abilities. I am too lazy and sleepy for anything now. I can’t will myself to study, or do work, or anything.

My diet is horrible, my high metabolism means I have given myself leeway to eat whatever the hell I want, and I can’t continue like this. I skip meal and eat instant ramen and chips. I haven’t eaten a fruit in months…

I can’t be bother to clean myself properly, I’ve been using mouthwash because I’m too lazy and tired. I am disgusted with myself often.

This can’t go on. I have felt horrible for two years straight. I cannot continue. I think I’m finally ready to accept that my mental health is not good, and that my lifestyle is killing me and my passion for anything. I am not depressed, but my mental state is something I cannot ignore anymore. I am writing this now, to hold myself accountable, and to remember This as the moment I acknowledged my life has gone to shit. At such a rate, I will amount to nothing. I can’t let myself carry on like this.

My sleep is where I will start. I will try to better that, next, I will try and improve my motivation, and self discipline. I will work on my diet as well. I’ll try to eat less junk and instead look more beneficial options. 

I don’t want to continue to live like this, in this codependent, parasitic-like state. I have to get better.

Despite all of these things I have said, I know I am still me under all of this. I want to get better. I will get better. This entry is not to shame, or try and air myself out, but it is more of an acknowledgement of a turning point. My life can’t be like this forever, I will amount to more than what I am now.

I’m finally accepting it, and going forward I will better myself. We are only ever given challenges we can overcome.

NotAZombie out.