Something i wrote for fun

I was ten

when I buried her.

Ten years oldand already learning

how to make something living

go quiet.

She had sunlight in her hair,

gold falling wherever it wanted,

eyes too wide, too blue, 

like the sky had claimed her

and forgot to take her back.

She laughed. 

God, she laughed. 

like the world hadn't touched her yet,

like no one had told her

to lower her voice,

to shrink,

to disappear.

She took up space like it was hers.

Barefoot.

Open.

Unafraid of being seen, really seen.

She was gentle

But not weak, Never weak.

Just unbroken.

And she was happy.

So happy. 

And She was me.

And I killed her.

Not all at once.

I wasn’t yet brave enough for that.

It was slower, meaner.

A dimming.

A closing in.

Like folding something soft

until it forgets its shape.

I traded her laughter for silence,

her softness for armor,

her light for something sharp enough

to survive.

Piece by piece

I made her smaller.

Easier to carry.

Easier to hide.

And when she was gone,

I didn’t cry, nor did I stop.

I just kept walking

like I hadn’t left something breathing in the ground behind me.

Now I answer to a different name

Haruko.

It fits, better than she ever did.

Like getting new shoes after outgrowing your last pair. 

Haruko is stronger, harder to break, 

Harder to love.

But sometimes 

when it’s the quietest of nights. 

I hear her

Laughing.

Not here.

Not with me.

Never with me. 

But somewhere just out of reach. And I smile

Because I know she’s still there.

Not dead, Not really.

Just left behind

where the world hadn’t found her yet.

And if anyone asks for the girl with sunlight

 in her hair and the sky in her eyes

I smile.

Carefully and Clean.

And say I don’t know her.