Agh Ugh egh blegh GUTS GUY

In the point between self-knowledge and an itched wall of doubt that whispers the description of the former as pure delusion, how to know if anything is truth or not from a deliberately detached state of mind, abstractly, where nothing makes sense but the connections among my neurons without a clear message to carry.
How is it to feel things far from where they are, my body as a cavern whose ghostly sentiment of content has always been lost somewhere in the depths of it, to dwell inwardly into one's emptiness is to fall in the hellhole of one's existence knowledgeably.
Arguments with mother consist in my only connection with an external raging point, or atleast that's how I perceive it as a general image, if she cares as much as I imagine knowing she will.As long as not stated otherwise, simply interpersonal concepts I cannot understand but just compare to my own potential madness if the world is really about what I see.
Conscious of that I won't get out of this skin anytime far or soon, for now I can only decide whether if I should be depressed or not about the fact of forever being buried in the same flesh by destiny; surely because everyone does as I do in the outside,is the thing the feeling of it? Something I dont know if others if others perceive.. Never heard of anyone protesting about their guts anyway, not that I do personally.
I'm blind to anything related to superficial concepts of society, I cannot distinguish male from female in my own sentiment if not stated but that one comes from myself; cannot distinguish acceptable from outrageous if I don't see one doing it, not a lack of 'originality' but a lack of social understanding along with a highly developed sense of self-awareness and shame. I suppose the advice of "forcing one into conversations" in order to enter a community is true except I fear being perceived and I never do it, but It's true I think.

Anyways good afternoon, It's just been a day and I've only broken a model from a kid's book and disappointed a supposed friend, which is kinda good I think (in terms of that being better than not doing anything) atleast I've been acknowledged for once in the matter of the latter which was unexpected except I now have to forcedly make a phone call due to it and I'm definetly not pleased about interacting with anyone knowing I mess friendships up the moment I open my stupid mouth to say anything other than "hola".

Nothing else to say, Have my son for I don't need him (the weird and wrong skin shading is purposeful shh tshhhhhhhhh shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hushhhhhhhhhh hushhhhhhh shhhhhh tshhhhhhhhhh)