What do I do, I'm lost

Y'all can call me a bad friend but please read this. So I liked a guy for 3 years, let's call him Mike. Mike and I had nothing in common but I went crazy over him, I almost ended up in the hospital once from drinking too much. One year after i started liking him, I started really liking my friend, who I'll call Helen, but I was still focused on Mike because Helen had something happening with my then best friend(we're still good, just not so close). Three weeks ago I met up with Helen, who had ended things with my best friend, because we started being really close friends and we ended up going to my house. We were watching tv and we were kind of cuddling so then we made out. It was the best moment of my life. After that, it seemed like she wanted me at distance but when we are together she seems very touchy and caring. I don't think my then bsf likes her because she has had 3 boyfriends and doesn't give a fuck about her but Helen can't get her mind of what had happened between them and she cries to me about it. She thinks I'm okay with it because I still like Mike. Little does she know, she is the reason I don't like him anymore. I've been losing my mind and having depressive episodes but i can't tell anyone about it because Helen wants everything to be kept secret. Today I packed up the courage and asked her to hang out and told her that I don't care if nothing happened, I just wanted to be with her.