Braindump, sorry

You know somedays you just wake up and think "Is this actually it, am I really living for this?". I mean I shoud be happy, right? I'm in my dream university, studying something I actually love and I have great people surrounding me, but I just feel so empty. I sometimes wish I could just dissapear into thin air like smoke, evaporate, just observe the world from a matterless body that doesn't actually belong to me or anyone. I think I'd be good at that, observing. Maybe thats why I love stories. I get to exist in a world and live in it, without actually having to be a part of it. The thing is, I don't want to cease to exist. I just don't know what I do want.