My Only Friend is Moving...

...and I think the worst thing is that I don't feel as sad as I should be

For context, I met this person around a couple of months ago at a convention. As we spent our time walking around the convention center, we were able to hit it off pretty well, discussing One Piece, her interest in KPOP and our future endeavors.

This ability to connect with someone in a way that allows me to understand them as a person is something I've rarely seen in my life. Typically when I interact with others I only get two type of people. 

The first are people with mainstream interests and conventional views that make it impossible for me to relate to them. This makes up most of the people I interact with, and although I'm capable of holding a conversation with them, there's no structure of interest for me to be able to form a meaningful connection with. 

On the opposite side of the spectrum, there are those who are more outgoing and eccentric, but are soley interested in talking about one or two specific subjects. For example, there's this one person I have in the group I'm in where they're only interested in talking about Godzilla and constructing figurines. These type of people are common in neurodivergent groups held at school or public social events, and as someone who has ADHD, I tend to be placed in these types of group a lot.

For me to make a meanginful connection with someone, I need to learn more about the other person, their interests, future goals, problems and aspirations, all while having some hobbie or mutual interest we both understand so that we can see from the other person's perspective.

I've only found a few people in my life like this, and this person was one of them. We've gone to a few places together since then, a card shop, coffee shop and the bowling alley. It wasn't until yesterday did I learn that they were moving away in a month...

I think the worst thing about all of this is that for some reason I don't feel more sad about this situation. This person isn't the first one to try to reach out to me for a friendship, but they feel like the only one who has bothered putting in the minimal amount of effort to keep the relationship going. I've tried to maintain frienships with people in the past who were initially interested with me, and yet for some reason, it seems like no matter what I said or what I did, I was easily discarded and forgotten about. It's as if I'm just this toy that's meant to provide entertainment and distraction for others, only to be thrown away once I'm no longer useful.

So maybe that's why I don't feel worse about this situation because I truly believe that after all this time, I deserve to be lonely.

But even so...

after everything that has happened to me in the past, there is one thing that this person has given me that no one else has in my life.

Closure

And for that, I will truly miss them...