April Blog + Rant?

Hey hey hey. 'Tis I, the boy who dreamt of being a British scene kid to a loop of Fall Out Boy.

Regardless, I'd like to take the time to make some updates with regards to how I've been doing -- that is to the four people that view this blog. A lot has happened which is why I haven't been so active on here alongside all the people I've been meaning to message.

Basically, during the last day of our sports week at school, I began to lose the feeling in my limbs and I headed over to the clinic. A few minutes later I was sobbing, cramped over with my hands, feet, and face practically prickling with some sort of sensation, before I blacked and started getting drowsy with a brown bag over my mouth. My mom was on the phone and she knew everything about why I was feeling that way, and they still called him (dad) to pick me up at the hospital anyway.

Then all these things came to my mind. What he'd think, what my grandmother would do, what my siblings would think, what my friends would think, what they'd do, what my other friends from the other campus would think -- by the time those things left my mind I was already in the ER with the pedia.

I'm assuming that based on what I told my pedia, he was the one that listed the "generalized anxiety disorder vs major depressive disorder" things on that little piece of paper, but for fuck's sakes, why did my dad laugh it off like that? Seriously, he just looks at it on the way back home and he says: "You're just 14 years old" like you'd know shit haha

And I get it. I've been skipping meals, sleeping less, acting more and more distant, but if you suddenly had to deal with your parent's separation in the middle of a crisis with a distant crush, ALL WHILE maintaining grades, performance work, extracurriculars, outside projects, AND hangouts, you'd be fucking puking on the floor like I was. The guy just laughs it off and forgets about it so he doesn't have to spend more money on me than he already has.

This is the same guy that says "why don't you ever think" "you don't have a brain" "you're airheaded", and he has the audacity to wonder why I think too much? How can some be this dense in their 40s??? haha and he'll wonder why no one wants to stay with him hahahahahaha

It's fucked up. And as I write this blog in my mom's apartment I'd gladly stay if it meant I have people who do give a shit about me and my existence lol. 

make this my declaration of emo-pendence bitch. including another bitch but she's getting a blog some other time. just not now, i could care less about her lol, but iykyk.

toodles!