I had a dream today

A deck of tarot cards spread in front of me, a reminder of a schedule I have postponed. "You have found the star in your life" the tarot reader said to me, pointing at a card I don't remember. It was too vivid, bluntly speaking to my soul, yet each time I try to remember the details it becomes more unclear. Should I feel worry or should I be thrilled? I have felt a sense of dismay, or dread during the reading...maybe it is me avoiding something again, but I keep thinking about this dream of mine all day.

I know for sure this has something with the girl I've been talking to. I am well aware she is an adorable one, but I have this urge to just leave her. I've been meaning to tell her that I enjoy her company, I truly do. However, I do not think I'd be able to like her fully to continue whatever is going on with us. It's pathetic. Is this me running away from commitment, maybe? Or, is this another premonition that will save me from another heartbreak. If it is truly a heartbreak on the first place.

Later on the day, I have this sudden thought that I've been practicing to say to her. "Hey, I've enjoy spending time with you, but I do not think I can keep going with this routine of us where there's no clear label between us. And to be honest, I do not want to hurt you when the time comes when we try to define this. I like you enough to not string you along." Wondering if it's what I truly want to say to her. It is shameless that I even thought to ask if I should apologize and ask her to stay as friends, but clearly that isn't really a good option.

Sometimes, I wonder why I deprive myself from these things. I do not want to think, but being around her requires thinking. One of us has to think. Unfortunately, I think so much, too much. I hate it.