"All i think about now"

"I remember we were happy

That's all I think about now"

"and other things, like seeking professional help is essencial-" Right, i can see him side-eyeing me.

We couldn't talk during the lecture, otherwise he would be scolding me about reaching my therapist, well, ex-therapist. She wasn't the worst but was far from being good too, she acted like she was doing a favor by listening to me, like i was a burden. Actually i felt like one and maybe i really was, to be honest, i was the worst kind of patient, always late or not even showing up kind of stuff. This only makes me think about how bad of i therapist i've would be, not only therapist but teacher too. Lots of the careers i'd like to follow have to deal with people and its a trait that i lack, some have said that im a good conflict solver and good with feelings, personal matters, etc. But it feels the total opposite. Lately i have been this dumb daydream about becoming a doctor, which doesnt fits me, i don't have the profile that fits a good doctor. First of all, im poor and dumb, and even if i waste the scholarship i have in my fathers uni, i don't have the brains for it. Not to mention the aching feeling of having things right handed to me without having actually achieving it with hard work. I wish i could talk to someone now, and even if i had the chance  i don't know if i could do it, i've been kind of pretending that its not happening but- it is. Walk, talk, shower, eat, all of this basic things never been harder to do than they are being now. I spent the entire day doing absolutely nothing, i wanted to go for a ride while the sun setted but i couldnt bring myself to get up from the couch, which i've been sleeping in for days. I did some chores -which i heavily procrastinated to do- and that was it for today. I not only feel guilty for doing things badly but ashamed too, its not even about the half-essed effort i put into into domestic things, its about not talking properly to someone i love. For them is probably like talking to a lifeless piece of plastic, a mannequin. The reminder that someday they wont be here anymore aches my heart heavily and makes me already regret of not enjoying my time with them.