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We need to talk about Paddy Bush, one of Kate Bush's brothers.
Besides the fact that he looks like me if I were a guy, he has a really distinct and humorous writing style that can be seen through his KBC articles (Kate Bush Club). I will put all of my favorite quotes here, but first you should read his experience being on the set of The Dreaming (self titled).
Somewhere in a fashionable recording studio I sit in a large sound-proof overdub booth. I am wearing headphones and am surrounded by big fat microphones supported by greasy metal dinosaur-type stands, thin long pencil-mikes in shock-proof mounts suspended in Gaffa. There's a couple of flat, square pressure-zone mikes stuck on a piece of glass between me and the control-room. I've just finished whirling a ruler on a piece of string round and round my head. I have been whirling for over an hour, and have a blister...please save your sympathy for the following overdub.
Through this microphonic garden I can see two or three weirdos. They are sat in the control-room, and the prettiest is in control. They are wearing silly hats--there are corks dangling from their brims. I see a finger on the talk-back button: "Next overdub please." The tape-op, our equivalent of Spock of Starship Enterprise, enters the booth and reposts a few microflowers to a new position. I'm putting on my white gloves and just a couple of items of everday overdub protective clothing. "You ready yet?" squeaks a voice from a set of headphones on the floor. There are at least forty-five pairs of cans heaped in a pile. One of them squeaked, "Are you ready?" I've forgotten which are mine...
Later, the red warning light is turned on. This is an indication that all systems are go. Spock energises. Noise reduction is go, foldback is go. Our controller is counting down in multiples of four. Multitrack is go, gulp thump-thump thump-thump. "Stand by, studio" echoes through the hull of the entire ship.
The headset that was lost and found is now an integral extension of my cerebral function, cosmically one with the system. The sky forms its lips into a kiss and blows down a very long tube. I can hear a car. Its brakes are screeching... I open the cage door and grab the nearest kangaroo by the ruff and hurtle it some 14 1/2 feet into a slightly dented 200-gallon water cistern... blang!
Suddenly it goes quiet. Then a voice says "Yeah...but could you make it go more like dang?"
"Er...dang?"
"Yeah, you know, dang, like kangaroo only with a 'd' instead of a 'k' and forget the 'aroo'."
"OK...Dang."
"You could try holding the next one by the tail."
"OK...Dang?"
"Yeah. Oh, we thought we'd like to change the mikes for this one, so take your cans off...Don't put them there!"
Tube, tyres, 1-2-3-4, dang... I'm awake. I'd dropped off to sleep in the heat of the studio lights. I'm buried in sand. It's warm and smelly. They've painted it to make it look good. We're making a video. A voice is saying, "Now what exactly do you want the camera to see in this shot, Kate?"
"Well..d's going to be a rock, and the rock's going to speak, OK?"
A voice by my ear says, "We're just going to bury your head, mate, all right?"
Sounds of a shovel. They bury my head. It goes very quiet. I can just about hear Kate and the director saying things like, "We could start at his feet and work up towards his head, or...we could pan from this rather pretty little scene here, or how about..." etc., etc.
It's even warmer now. They seem to be having lots of ideas about this scene. That's nice.
"...on the other hand, we could do a cross-fade and just zoom in..."
Oh, well, today I'm a rock, and a speaking rock at that. I suppose I could say something like "Excuse me, old chap, but do you realise I'm buried?" but I'm sure it would spoil the effect.
"OK, everybody, we'll go for a take. You asleep, Pad?"
Beneath the sands of the Bathurst Islands I lay waiting for the third orchestral beat that cues this rock to speak at the end of The Dreaming. The first comes with a dijeridu hoot, the second comes with birds, and on the third I speak. I'm buried. The cameras roll. The Dreaming begins.
I'm a soldier in an English forest. Sunlight mingles with smoke. Shafts as bright as supertroupers illuminate an army of musicians asleep on a film set...The next time they would be holding their breath waiting for their cue beneath a lake. They were supposed to be totally submerged, but they kept bobbing up and down. Never mind, put them in minotaur costumes with rings through their noses and they can beat on the ground with sticks...Oh, and can you make a sound like a mule? You know, "hee-haw", only deeper...
One--There's a hoot.
Two--I can hear birds.
Three--Two...Three...Four and a half...The rock speaks.
-- Paddy
What I’ve noticed is he always starts off with these humorous bits about what he’s doing. It comes across rather like a nonfiction short story I think, but he adds poetical language which might not be seen sandwiched between the humour, but I think it’s quite an interesting way to present a story. He also has these just poem sections like the ending and other bits of repetition, and Paddy isn’t even the poetry brother (I think poetry is in all of the Bush clans dna honestly). I would love to imitate this style, but nothing particularly interesting happens to me, not right now at least.
The thing is, even in nonfiction short stories, theres no such thing as never spinning the truth; at least a little. It’s never really lying, but, it’s adding details to make a story more interesting. Do I think he is a literal owl. Do I think he joined the army. He clearly didn’t join the army, it’s just to represent the fact that he had to be an army man for a live performance. He’s kind of saying he’s joined Kate’s army. He didn't get hit in the head with a duffle bag ( I hope) It certainly didn't make bell sounds when he did. It’s all clever jokes. I think it makes an otherwise boring christmas article a very interesting christmas article.
We need to teach kids how to write with humour. It’s a hard skill to learn. Creative writing is always an elective, but for the most part it’s not in peoples basic english classes. Sure we do poems a little, but we arn’t taught what makes one good right? Of course we can’t slap humour onto everything, but journalists should be more interesting right? It should be like finding a good set of actors. Anyways, here are some funny quotes!! And the link to where you can read more of his “articles” online. http://gaffa.org/garden/paddy.html (:
“It explains why Andrew and I are the only two people qualified in this country to operate these dangerous Violin suits, and I hope that when you see us both on TV you will appreciate the severe discomfort we are both going through in order to add a pinch of spice to the show.” - Paddy
“For the price of one second of TV time I could buy about thirty-two mandolins or a reasonable-sized flock of sheep, so no-one has a great deal of time to actually talk to you.”
-Paddy
Before I continue with these hilarious quotes, I wanted to mention his love for chocolate elephants. I am perplexed if this is a joke or not or the combination of a joke and fact. Does this appreciation for chocolate elephants in fact come from his heart. He says he sends them to fans. I wish I could have been part of this Kate Bush Club. It’s so much more intimate than looking at “my little black box” so to say. I wish I could be part of a community like that. I think it’s all well that Kate has stopped meeting her fans though. The world is a little different than it used to be, you know. Anyways..
“I love this time of year, especially as I have just been discharged from the Chocolate Elephant Addiction Clinic--apparently the praline levels in my bloodstream went up so dramatically since issue number 6 that I had to undergo special anti-confection therapy. Anyway, that's all behind me now, although things did get out of hand: I was spending all my money on Chocolate Elephants. I couldn't get enough of them. They even started arriving in the post. It got to the point where I could identify the familiar rattle of a parcel containing one, and I would consume it without even hesitating to unwrap it. How much lower could I stoop?...” -Paddy
“Sometimes I play it for so long I see wallabies.” -Paddy
“String can snap under the extreme stresses, as did the one on The Dreaming, and if you listen to the track you can hear it hitting one of the soundproof screens at Abbey Road. Wait 'til we do it on stage...[We're waiting.] I've roughly calculated that rows seven to fifteen are most at risk. But don't worry, I'll take a spare just in case.” -Paddy
“Staves and dots plot the routes for our musical cargo ships. Little black footprints and matchstick men show the paths up choreographic mountain-ranges. Cave paintings and computer graphics, next year's colours, satellite information.” -Paddy
(That one alone has inspired a new poem I’m working on)
This next part is longer but is a good example of his writing style. Clearly there are no picket lines outside of K.T Times (Which if you didn’t get, K.T Times is not a real newspaper)
“Sometimes it's tough working on the staff of an international newspaper. I get a lot of pressure. This morning my editor informed me the presses had ground to a halt and picket lines were starting to form outside the K.T. Times... and all because I couldn't come up with a subject for this issue. I explained that it had to be about musical instruments and...Christmas. But what a problem: what are Christmas instruments? and how can I find out fast? I could hear distant jeers and murmurs from outside. Looking down from the fifteenth floor I could see angry print-workers turning away a Chocolate Elephant delivery. My editor, having abandoned his pleading, was standing on his desk swinging a large duffle-bag full of Newsletters round and round his head. He was practising his power bull roarer technique, I suppose quite a sensible thing to do in high-pressure situations such as these. I had, however, failed to notice him and as I backed away from the window an idea struck me.” -Paddy
“When a 65-pound duffle-bag hits you square in the head you can see pretty little stars and in your ears you hear the sounds of bells...These are my Christmas instruments.” -Paddy
I’m getting a bit bored of copy and past. Not bored of what I’m copy and pasting thankfully. Thank you for reading and taking time to appreciate both Paddy and Kate. Have a wonderful day.
Sincerely,
The Planet Person
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