My pet Lizard died

I love you, Süsi <3

sorry that i was a fucking jackass and didn't see that you were ill. you deserved to live at least another five years. sorry that i was an incompetent little shit and didn't play with you or sit on the balcony with you on sunny days. sorry that i only ever fed you those ugly bugs and cucumbers. You were such a beautiful creature, im so sorry that i was scared of you. Sorry that you were scared of me. I'm such a fucking idiot, if anyone deserved to die like that overnight, it was me. How did i not notice that you were ill? you didn't eat your food, you barely moved, you barely drank water. I'm so sorry, Süsi. I shouldn't have asked my mom for an exotic pet. I didn't actually want one, I just wanted to be equal with my sister. Her fucking turtle is doing fine, btw.

I'm sorry, I really am. I was supposed to be your caretaker, but my mom did most of the work. I didn't clean your cage often, I didn't let you out, I didn't let you sit with me and watch the most corny shows ever to exist on the planet. I should've taken you to the vet, I should've made sure you ate, I should've removed those loud as fuck bugs from your food plan. You didn't really want to eat them, anyway.

I took so little pictures of you, so here's one from when I first got you in 2024.

You are so adorable. I really miss you. 
I'd like to fucking kill myself and follow you, but my dog's home. And my father's gonna come back home in a few hours too. So I'll have to find some other moment. Don't think I can wait until May 3rd 2028. I know that's what I promised, but now you're gone. And I want to apologise to you, I want to see you again and actually form some kind of friendship with you. 
Hopefully i'll see you again soon, Süsi. I have to go to bassguitar practice and band today, too. I don't fucking want to anymore. I don't want to do my schoolwork, I don't want to talk with anyone, I don't want to go there and pretend that you didn't just die. 

I fucked up so bad. I should never have gotten you as a pet, I should've told my mother that I didn't want to keep you anymore. Those bugs made you ill, the very bugs that annoyed our entire family for a year straight. I want to kill all of them, but your cage is still in my room, with one of them chirping in there. 

I really miss you, I wish we could swap places. My mom found you so cute, too. Shit, even my dad got along with you better than me. I'm so sorry. You were so young, barely three years old. I'm sorry I didn't handle you correctly, I'm sorry I ignored you just so I could feel a bit more rested. You didn't ask to be here, you probably didn't want to be. 

You died on my friend's birthday, too. My birthday is in two weeks. Glad to say it won't be celebrated. Why am I only discovering my love for you after you passed away? I fucking hate it.

We're burying you in our garden tonight. I wish you peace, I hope you'll get to eat all the annoying bugs you want in heaven, or wherever you are. I hope you're back in your natural habitat. Or maybe you found some loser kid who can take better care of you than me. I'm so sorry.

Love you, Süsi. I'm sorry.