thoughtz not like anyone wants to read it

in honor of columbine day aka 4/20 i will create this weird rant of junk as i sit at this school desk and in the chair dreaming of going somewhere better than here or home. i want to go to a grassy plane where nothing is there but flowers, grass, dirt, butterflies, bees and shit like that. with everything i need right there on this remote island that stretches on for miles and kilometers and stuff like that. i just want to be there but also in my dream room with my best friend ren and old friend georgia like how she was last year when we were genuinely happier with life and both being tcc and zero day nerds. but alas she just wants to charge me for shit i didn't do. i'm not a fucking school shooter i'm a shooting target for all you useless bastards to shoot at and break me until i can't be used for your games anymore. i just want to slash my wrists or blow my brains out so i don't grow up but i would make my parents devastated and i don't want that at all. i love my mom- not so much my step mom but i'd rather kill her than have myself dead for her to deal with all the money and grief because i know she loves me- i think. i don't even know if anyone likes me, honestly i don't blame them for not liking me tbh. i suck so fucking hard i just want a cigarette and a big pot of coffee so my stimulants give me a heart attack. fuck adhd and ocd and mdd and autism and anger issues fuck all of that i'm normal. a normal human with all my natural instincts still here. i hate most people honestly.