I'm seeming to be a little alive

It's softer now.It happened so quick the untrained eye missed it but it has become softer.You wouldn't think it would but it did.He said that he could never love anyone.No knowing that's the way I wish he would love me.He said in so off handedly, how could he have known that sitting right next to him was a girl so in love with him she wakes up early at pyjama parties just to watch him sleep, to admire the soft expression on his face, to study each detail of his face carefully, to make sure to remember it fully.

The news pierced right through my heart, it really hurt for a second, I battled to keep my composure and laugh with our friends this nagging feeling lasted the whole evening and persisted in the morning, this voice whispering "he'll never share your devotion".I though I might on the brink of a heartbreak but a few days ago it stopped, the idea of him never loving me stopped hurting, I thought for a second that I might over him, a few seconds thinking about him and not being able to fight a smile proved me wrong.Then what could it be, why and how did was was once a painful thought turn into this soft and warm feeling ?Maybe it's the definitive that no one will be breaking my heart ?I have no idea but it's softer now.I don't stress I don't overthink, I feel it.Even if he never loved me, I'll always love him.I don't have the words to explain why, even if I did I couldn't because I do not know why.

I just love him and I think for the first time ever it doesn't feel like a burden or a curse, it's a joy, I wake up loving someone enough that the idea of them never loving me back didn't change that.I can't believe that I can love someone that much ?How cool is that ?

If I can love that much, I'll always win.

Cocteau Twins-Iceblink Luck