Hey! Lookout!

It's been a while, and I thought I'd give an update for anybody who might want to hear it!

I'm no longer in a toxic living environment. However, I am homeless. But don't worry about me, I've been homeless twice before so being homeless a third time isn't that bad. The only bad thing is I don't have my car, Bianca (yes, her name was Bianca and yes, I do miss her dearly). But, I live in a large city currently so being in a large and walkable city with a working transit line is a huge plus.

I've also met a lot of really fun people. I'm a part of a five-person group currently, and we all stay at the same night shelter and spend 95% of our days together. The one thing I can say is that when I was homeless twice before, I never had a group. I had people I knew, people I would crash with, and very few people who I would travel with. This is new for me, and I jokingly said to E (initial for privacy reasons) who has become my best friend, that this time it feels kind of like elementary school. Like we just find people we like and go "I like you, we're going to have soft tacos later!" and go from there. I'm used to being cautious and distant, but E and N (who are siblings) decided that me being all alone wasn't going to happen this time around, so they just snatched me up.

Within the past nearly four weeks I've been homeless, our group has grown to five. And it's a well rounded group, too. We have me, a goth pagan who's patron is Baphomet and strongly believes in the universe has a reasoning for everything. A DJ, former radio show host and ex-security guard pagan who knows this is her last lifetime and has close ties to the earth and those who inhabit it. A humanist atheist who strongly believes her life's mission is to protest and fight for what she believes in. An omnist who is fiercely protective of those they love and strives to be a musician. And another atheist who wants there to be good in the world and believes that every day is precious and not to squander any of it.

It feels like my life has become sort of a coming of age movie, like the five of us were drawn together to learn something from each other. It's also the most comforting experience ever, because it feels like we were always destined to meet and that this was just the stepping stone to make it happen. So why would I be upset about becoming homeless again, especially when it feels as though that this was meant to happen? And not to be that old religious lady, because preaching is the last thing I want to do. It's just interesting how we all managed to find each other, all different backgrounds and beliefs, and still able to get along. We're all very different people.

Anyways, life has been interesting. We go to a little cafe every weekend to get free breakfast, and we just go around doing things every other weekday. The days we don't do things are spent just sticking to the library or the day center we always frequent. We also watch a ton of movies because the library we frequent has solitary rooms, which is something I've never experienced. We've been watching the entire Jay and Silent Bob timeline (Mallrats, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and Jay and Silent Bob Reboot) and I'm hoping to watch the Clerks series next because it's been so long since I last saw the first one. I will forever miss the first time I was homeless because it was just me, my dog, and my 1965 microbus traveling the whole of the United States together. The second time I was homeless was very similar, but that time my dog had passed and I just played Sublime as I travelled because it was a reminder of better times. Now I listen to Sublime with my friends and just hang out in random lots when there's nowhere else to go. It's like a friend group I never got to have when I was younger, because I was too angry and broken at the time.

That was why I decided to be homeless at 18. It wasn't because my family kicked me out, or because my community abandoned me. It was because I knew, even then, that I needed to lose everything in order to get better. Now it's like I finally get to live what I should've had; a proper friend group.

That's all I wanted to say. I'm not going to be very active here. Just occasional updates so that everyone knows I'm not DEAD. Plus, it'd be interesting to blog about being homeless again without a car and drive to go to every single state in America.