cigarettes, shame

i sat in my car, it was hot

it kinda smelt like stale smoke and i was feeling kinda groggy

i have been so social lately... a happy thing. 

but sometimes, i just want to isolate.

will i smell like smoke when i go into school?

im doing well , but how could i care for myself better?

i feel shame like anvils on each shoulder

auntie would be mad about the smell of the car. 

but at least im not hurting so bad anymore, and maybe, just maybe

this is just how I'm meant to be

in this

moment 

of 

time.