.☘︎ ݁˖diary entry 5: friendship breakup .☘︎ ݁˖

i haven't been posting much, since some stuff happened. it is a bit weird in term of time, i almost feel like my angel saw that i was running out of things to write about on my blog and immediately work overtime to make my life more tragic. 

i has been feeling so sick since i uncovered the truth about one of my closest friend, and i'm not going to go too deep into it, but it made me so numb that i skipped school on friday just to lay inside all day and trying to process in my mind what the fuck happened. 

it is so weird to suddenly know, how little you actually know someone for what they truly are. i cherished her so much, we have known each other and been in the same friend group for almost 10 years. i'm not sure if everyone feel about their close friends in that way, but all of us could've never guess she was actually that kind of person, and i, personally, believed that for these friends only, i could've defended them even if they committed the most fucked up crime. i truly don't care how they are to other people as long as they are true to me, and she of course, messed up on that one singular condition. 

it almost felt like letting go of my own child (dramatic, i know). we met each other in 6th grade, she was a transfer student, and when she came to our school, we were already an established friend group. i remember everything, how she was shy to talk to me and smile at everything i say when the teacher put her as my deskmate, how she used to cry because the boys would pick on her and we would all run to her rescue. i remember how she used to tell me the about all the problems that she had and be such a naive yet cheerful person as she was, and then it makes me feel sad. when did it all changed? to find out all the lies that she told, the things that she said to people, about me, and about us, i stopped questioning why and was just hit with disappointment. 

there was just no reason. i knew myself, and i knew what the others did for her. we stayed true and helped her until the very end, and all she did was running away from the confrontation like a coward. it is all so weird, how the entire 8 years that we had was thrown away overnight. i don't even feel like i could tell the story to anyone, since it just sounds like a mild liar drama, but there is no way for me to explain how deep of a bond our friend group has. there are things that only us will understand, and it all sounds like some kind of weird cult shit if i really was to tell you all about the shit we done together. i'm not even sad about what secret she hid anymore, it was just a bitterness aftertaste from how i realized the trust i've confided in her was wasted away, and all my time and energy pouring into this relationship was not reciprocated like she said it was. 

enough of depressing rambles, i will soon come back with more photographs

Byeeee (✿ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)⁾⁾