thinking briefly

im thinking less lately. it feels like im getting a break. crazy how one thing changes everything. i put a new comforter one and have been making my bed every morning everyday since. and me bed isnt covered in non-bed items. i opened a book to the first page of the story i was thinking about. even better, the book i want from the library is on hold for me. i'll have to go to bed soon to get up early to go do that. ive been feeling better, but not feeling great. a good sign that what i feel is true and at least lacking in delusion. im letting myself feel excited. im letting myself want. and in the process of looking forward to thing, i think it's what makes it happen. Im fantasizing about magic. it really is the clichés. and even if that magic is fake, all i need is the prop to make it real. myself. it's coming up on time for another reaping. the rest was needed. i've done a lot of healing but it felt so stagnant til certain thing just all started clicking. coming together like chapters of a book. and if this is the only way i feel like i can say anything, then this way i can say it all. i have been divinely protected, but most of all by my own self. I kept wondering when everything was going to absolutely crumble, but i would never let that happen. my ego kept me against my gut many times, but even then i only got a little of a lot. my life has been so perfectly set up, and i can see it around me now, present moment. those amazing synchronicities again. proof that serendipity is possible. that i can get my heart back.