I'm so cooked.. (TW!)

I'm a stupid mf (msi ref cuz I'm nervous!), I pulled the fire alarm, I was messing around I was js gonna pull it halfway, at least I skipped any homework I got? Plus I have a headache from stress, and they called my dad, my dad will probably let my mom know, and she's probably gonna hurt me...

My parents are out right now, they're 5 hours away and they'll most likely be back tomorrow, but I relapsed like a coward I am instead of reflecting. I'm scared of what my mom will do, I'll most likely be grounded so I might not be on here for a while, we'll see :/

I got a good feeling my mom is gonna slap, whoop, hit me. Idek, the only thing I know is I'm scared.

After I got in trouble, I just had $uicidal thoughts bc I blamed myself, even though I'm still a minor, my brain isn't fully developed yet.

I relapsed even before I got in trouble 'cause I didn't do my work like a pathetic worthless human being. Am I even human? I deserve to get hit anyways, I'm only good at what I really wanna do, and I'm worst at what I'm good at, so that means I'm truly bad at everything.

Not a good day, I have a headache still. While writing this it's like 4:09 PM, I js really wanna die rn.

I know this punishment won't be 4ever, but I can't help myself from being scared, being so scared that my stomach and head hurt. I don't even wanna think about it, hopefully none of ur days r as shitty as mines rn.

I'd never wish this type of pain on anyone, and I can feel the lectures coming through. My grandma will be lecturing me as well :/