Diary 15: Where t he fuck have I been?

    So hey... you know what I said about this being a daily t hing? Yeah.... that didn't work out. So basically waht kinda happened is that college happend and I got overworked PLUS I live in the UK so I need to use a VPN to use SpaceHey. HOWEVER, the teams that my college course uses for communication for project briefs and such can only be accessed in the UK so I often leave my VPN off in order to be able to access my college information. Is this kinda lazy like I could literally turn the VPN back on? Absolutely. I will admit that, but honestly in some headspaces, doing that sounds like too much of a hassle.

    My mental health is not really great. I often go in and out of depressive and what I can describe closest as hypomanic episodes. I speculate that I have a milder form of bipolar disorder, but I lack any form of mental health support at the moment. Right now, it is half-term and after this break is done, I want to go see the counselor at my college. But even that is nervous to do for more than the average reason.

    During the last couple of months, I had a falling out with my friend group at college and my now ex-friends hang out in the room next to the counselor at the only time that I have available to see them. The thought of even coming across them makes me nervous at times because I know that they probably hate me now to the point where they don't even want to try to rekindle the friendship (they literally blocked me and I didn't realise until I tried to contact them after 1-2 weeks to ask them if they wanted to talk things out). So yeah. I might go into why the falling out happened, but I don't really want to talk about it in this post.

    ANYWAYS ON SOME MORE POSITIVE NOTES: I TURNED 17 !! YAY I'M ONE YEAR CLOSER TO BEING AN ADULT ! Which is honestly pretty scary when I think about it. I still remember covid time when I was a literal 12 year old what the hell. ALSO ALSO I GOT A QPP ! I'm actually so happy I love them so much. He's so amazing and ahteoiahvoeatoea I'm so happy that I shot the bullet and that he reciprocated my feelings theoa in the end, I was not delusional for thinking that he liked me back.

    So that's kind of a brief run-down of what's been going on? I'm honestly pretty busy and my family situation isn't helping either (my dad's literally trying to take money from us so yayy).

    ANYWAYS ART FOR THE END !

    Also on the note of art, I have opened up commissions via my kofi in order to help me save up for uni so if you could commission me, that would be amazing: https://ko-fi.com/n3kom1tsuba 
(sorry for the shameless plug, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do)