overthinking.

overthinking will always be an interesting concept to me, and never will i find out why I tend to overthink so much. I am super grateful to be able to live the life I live currently as I know not everyone has the blessing and privilege to live the way I do. but there's days where I sit and overthinking every life decision I have ever made. every person I have decided to meet. and honestly, when all is going well. I start snooping around for reasons it isn't going well. 

the truth is everyone overthinks at some point in their lives, but some people overthink their entire lives. and it will always confuse me why we overthink this much when we know everything is okay and nothing will happen. for me, my recent moving to a different province within Canada has made me lose all my friends. and I don't mean I don't talk to them anymore, I mean that I have no physical friends present in my life and it has been like this for an entire year. I told myself that this isn't much of an issue and I can find friends here. but truthfully, nothing has felt the same since I left home. I feel very lonely, and while I am consistently trying to live with the fact that its okay to be alone. I can't help but feel like everytime I am alone and not talking to anyone (be it online or in person) I start to overthink EVERYTHING there is to overthink. for my head it has always been silence = threat. I can't sit down by myself and think "oh hey! nothing to do let's find something to do". I would have to overthink for a solid 3-4 hours until I am interrupted by an external force of some sort, a DM, my family, I will not stop overthinking. and the things I overthink about never make sense in my head. we won't go into deeper detail because I wan't to keep my personal life private. but most of these issues and scenarios that I make up in my head when overthinking. can be solved with either one text or one conversation with the people I am thinking about. but that's where the fear of overthinking also comes from. It's okay to overthink, but there's this guilt behind me that if i talk to someone about my overthinking, I would sound crazy. like I am just so in over my head that the person involved in my overthinking would think I am way in over my head and not understand my perspectives. something that has always kind of sat with me is the guilt of overthinking.

there is never a need to overthink this much, but my head will do it, your head will do it, we all do it. I just wish there was a true solution to it because there is nothing more headache inducing than your own head.

love y'all, stay safe <3