How I'm Doing (About my 17th Birthday)

Penny here, I know it's very narcissistic of me to just have this space open to people and all of the sudden, I shove my personal concerns and opinions about my life into those people's faces. But lately, I've seen my sister more calmer and content in life and she says that writing these rants in a blog helps. So here we are now. If I'm being honest, I've got a lot on my chest and I don't even know where to start. So if there's anything that can be traced back to from a lot of my problems. I'll bring it back to that day, October 24th 2025, which was my 17th Birthday.

On October 24th 2025, it was alright. A Friday like normal. Our family had a dinner outside and my parents were at good terms at least. But where it all just crumbles down was when we went back home. There was a group of people outside for some reason in the street outside my house. That was when I realised. That my neighbour who was in my grade and goes to the same school as me had thrown a halloween costume party. 

It was just right next door, so I just thought maybe I might just go in despite not being invited. I just came in with no costume just a long coat and a military officer hat that I got off of a flea market, it made it look like it was a costume and I walked in. 

I've never been to these parties and first off all, that stench when I walked in was horrendous. I have no idea what it was that gave that smell. I walked closer in and found plastic cups. A row of beer bottles and a floor littered with ciggarettes. It was unsighty and I regretted stepping into it. Later I then bumped into a group of girls, they were obviously drunk by how they walk and looked. But then they started to insult me. They told me I was a bitch for talking too much in Biology class. They said so many other things about me, saying all these negative qualities and the fact I emanate creep vibes is the reason they didnt invite me nor even want to even see me, in class at school at all. It was right then and there that I just left the party.

From then on, I just don't feel connected or accepted with the people my grade, heck anyone in school. From then on, my academics have been falling, grades, attendance, assignment completion, submissions, none of them were as good. And since I take this hellhole of a course called IB Diploma, I've got deeper repercussions with my EE and IAs being extremely behind. Not just that, but also behind in classes and its stupid subjects and subtopics. My parents weren't that much of a help either with the problems they got between one another and just them brushing it off with "You're not trying or studying enough", or "You're playing too much games".

So like this has been going on for half a year now. I really don't know how I could hold up. But hey, I learnt to play a bass and can play the entire Wiped Out Album by the Neighbourhood and soon I want to express all that I have in me to the world. I want to tell them how I truly feel and even booked a 4-session 2 months prior at a stage in school, but apparently the school's Tri-M club whose only purpose is to foster music creation and performance in school denied me of that ability. Yeah, thanks music man for taking away people's rights to music because they can't do a 4 consecutive session. 

Anyways, I have a Bio test today, I've lost hopes. 

Penny Out