Is beauty it all, or is it just a patriarchal entrapment disguised as self-agency?

The other day, I hopped on a dating app, just cause I felt bored and in the mood for some flattery, which I did receive. However, besides the flatteries, I wasn’t able to engage in any conversation that bore any substance to itself, even when I desperately wanted to, which led me to wonder: Is beauty truly all that matters?

In life, there are just some things we can and cannot control, among them being our appearances. We can, to some extent, “control” our appearance by styling our hair, exercising, dressing up, undergoing plastic surgery, changing makeup style, etc. By managing to achieve the desired appearance, we feel as though we have gained some control over our lives, as our looks are a pretty centric part of our lives. There’s a reason why we dress differently depending on where we’re going, what we’re doing, and so on. Therefore, it’s an almost expected confidence boost that comes right after a makeover. However, this is where things can get tricky because these changes often don’t really do much, except for creating a sense of control and a fragile confidence that can break at any given moment. This would be due to the fact that most of these changes often follow the contemporary trend rather than holding any significant sentimental value. That isn’t a mere coincidence, as the beauty industry often profits from the insecurities of women and works relentlessly to create new insecurities to fix. (Wolf, 1990)

As a child, I was pretty insecure about my weight and body proportions. Though I was a relatively healthy child for my age, weighing approximately forty-eight kg at the ages of 13-14; I had decided that my thighs were too thick, too fat, and straight up ugly after having spent some time engaging with K-pop. I felt as though I didn’t deserve to look or feel pretty till I had slimmed down at least to forty-five kgs, so I didn’t bother buying myself pretty clothes that were tight or showed some skin. I had a calorie app downloaded on my phone, skipped breakfast, only eating a proper meal once a day and ironically enough, replaced lunch with a bar of chocolate. No wonder I reached a point of depression around that time, and now look back as the worst time of my teenage years. I felt constantly tired, sad, and just unmotivated. Somewhat, the same thing that was once my insecurity later started to become a “trend” or was somewhat viewed as attractive.

The point being that these insecurities are engineered into the brains of young girls, such as myself, from a young age, be it through K-pop or other means of media. And once we start to see beauty as a defining value, which is somehow supposed to define how well you: take care, love and invest in yourself, rather than a genetic lottery, maybe accompanied by some money and privilege; we start to lose the point and fall into the rabbit hole of capitalism which seeks to rebrand beauty and consumerism as synonyms for self-care. However, this rabbit hole is just deepening your insecurities while emptying your pockets. It feeds off making you more self-conscious of your human traits, such as acne, wrinkles, and hyperpigmentation, promising to transform you into a doll with clear, smooth, and evenly distributed skin, as long as you’re willing to spend continuously.

This, of course, raises the question of ‘why are girls and women willing to abandon their human traits in exchange for looking like dolls?’ Personally, I blame it on the patriarchal systems which strips women of their humanhood, placing them in their own separate box where they’re expected to act almost like customizable dolls with the core features of submission and conventional attractiveness. These traits are conveyed thoroughly in Disney movies where the princesses are all conventionally attractive and take the subservient roles within their stories like: Snow White who’s chased out of her own castle by her step-mom, and saved by a prince; Cinderella who’s trapped in her house, forced into the role of a servant until the prince finds her; Aurora who’s unaware of her curse, thus prickling her finger, and having to get saved by a true loves kiss, from a prince. In all of these Disney movies, the ladies are in a subservient position and saved by a prince who happens to appreciate their beauty, as these princes don’t really get to know the princesses before “falling for them”. Although a very micro example, these movies and fairytales don’t just come out of nowhere. They convey the state of society and what’s deemed conventional. Additionally, these Disney movies also fuel the idea of beauty being connected to virtue, as the villains are portrayed as “monstrous” or “witchy”; with the “witchy” villains, such as the evil queen from Snow White and Mother Gothel from Tangled, being depicted turning into old women, with sagging skin upon their misdeeds. Thus, from a young age, grooming young girls to value beauty as a virtue.

When beauty is conveyed as a virtue, how can we expect girls to stop chasing it? Unless we expect them to stick out like a sore thumb, doing their own thing.

One way to reflect would be to think through the values of feminist theory, which at its core advocates for the liberation of all women. Which brings us to the next point: can we really be feminists and advocate for the liberation of all women whilst still wishing to benefit from patriarchy? Because from my perspective, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. An example to put this into perspective would be to discuss white feminism, which places its whiteness above the liberation of all women in an effort to appeal to patriarchy. As argued by (Dreama G, N.D), as of current times, white feminism grounds itself in a gendered victimology, failing to address its participation and functionality in white supremacy. It appeals to patriarchy as it supports the idea that women are in need of protection from men by men, especially in the case of white women, who throughout western history have been painted as innocent, pure, and victims for political purposes, such as the nazi propaganda posters to evoke anger and social injustice. None of these (neither white feminism nor white supremacy) centers the liberation of women, including white women, but rather other hidden agendas and manifestations of power.

The patriarchal systems that have for centuries oppressed women are not going to change now, if they didn’t change then. Early feminists weren’t able to achieve what we have now by compromising. Thinking that the liberation of women can happen under the patriarchy is like thinking that just cause some women jumped over the barrier placed by patriarchy, the patriarchy has lost its effect. Just because we see more women in positions of power doesn’t mean that patriarchy isn’t alive and thriving. Patriarchy will continue to thrive until we as a collective decide to dismantle the barrier placed.

“One small step for a man, a big leap for mankind.”

Like everything big, dismantling patriarchy has to start somewhere, somewhere small and personal: the mind. It’s about time that we take a moment to truly think about our beauty choices; are you wearing that makeup to the store truly for yourself, or have you just been conditioned to do it and now it’s a habit? If you’ve ever seen a girl doing well, and all you could focus on was her beauty, have you stopped to ponder why her beauty was your focus? These types of small reflections and realizations are important components for a change. It all starts in the mind. Once you start reflecting, you’ll become more aware of the patriarchal hold within your society and possibly inspire further waves of feminism.

References

Dreama G, M. a. (N.D). "White supremacy in heels": (white) feminism, white supremacy, and discursive violence. Scholarworks: https://scholarworks.calstate.edu/downloads/d217qv85q

Wolf, N. (1990). The Beauty Myth: How Images of Beauty Are Used Against Women. Chatto & Windus. : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Beauty_Myth