chick flicks are NYC propaganda; im falling for it and im not complaining

I'm back after several months of going AWOL and it's because I need to post something: I think I got new goal to strive for. I feel like the reason I'm so lazy and unmotivated for school in the past year is because I don't have much of a goal in life. Yeah, graduate and have a good job—a fairly simple goal. But it's too broad, too simple to keep me going.

Even years before, I always had a fascination with NYC, like everyone who wasn't a local there. Blame it to the films, the tv shows, hell, even the songs since everyone likes it so much. And it always seemed so unattainable (maybe it is but that's not really the point right now you know). What I'm saying is right now,, I want a life there so fucking much and that far-fetched dream gets being harder and harder to ignore. I feel like I've been downplaying how much I want to be there just because I don't want to deal with the possible disappointment if I didn't get to achieve it. Well there's something else that I know would fuck me up more than disappointment: it's regret. It's to not even try making an effort. It's passing up the opportunity of a lifetime.

So that's my new dream; live in NYC and become a designer or an illustrator in the city. I know that I'm romanticizing the hell out of it. The rent is too high, maybe the only apartment I can afford is not too far off from a shoebox, I probably need a roommate to even pay for it. There's roaches and rats and I'll be alone. Plus, the U.S. is shit in SOOOO many levels, and I might not even last for a year before homesickness get to me and I get depressed all over again. But I'm willing to try, I want to hold on to that dream that would want me to keep going in life. I want to hold on hope that everything gets to change for the better, that there would be a great life waiting for me there and to the millions of young people like me who's early in to adulthood, wanting a new fresh start. Hope is probably poison, especially in a world as terrible as this one today. But hope is the only thing I have right now and I'm willing to bet that to a better tomorrow not just for me but for everyone else.

Cheesy, I know. Blame it to the chick flicks I kept watching.