what the hell

i'm in my mid 20s and i think it's kind of ridiculous how tired and broken i constantly feel.

i work 38 hours a week (40 hours for the past few weeks) at a very physically demanding job, i have to write a 20 page paper for an economics class and then present it in about 3-4 months, my right kneecap's slightly to the side and the pain's starting to ramp up and i need to start wearing a brace and if it's worse after 3 months (doctor's already said it's not going to get better) i need to start taking injections, my lower back hurts like hell every other day, the carpal tunnel in my right wrist might be getting worse, i cannot focus on anything if my life depended on it.

i want to live life, but i just feel so wrung out and exhausted all the damn time. all my hobbies are indoor activities, so i rarely leave the house even if i have some semblance of energy left after work. i also still live with my parents and while i'm grateful i don't need to pay rent or bills (i do need to transfer a a bit of money monthly, but that's nothing compared to living on my own) but oh my god i cannot remain with these people for the rest of my life. if they ever find out about anything i've been hiding from them, who fucking knows what's going to happen to me (i'm a closeted queer atheist in a very strict christian family).

i want to live but i'm so so so tired of the way my life is like right now.