20

i stopped taking antidepressants. on my own volition. without a confirmation from my doctor. i still take 6 mg of an antipsychotic and a mood stabilizer. i stopped taking antidepressants because all they do is make me sweat and rip my soul out of me. if my soul must hurt when expressing itself then it shall. i honestly dont care anymore. i think ill plunge deeper into depression in the following days. maybe ill start finally creating something that doesnt look like a gray husk. maybe ill start being beautiful and true again. even if it will hurt. and i know it will. im so sick of it all. im so angry with everything and everyone. its all fruitless though. i will change nothing. but if i must hurt then ill do it fully and gracefully. 

enough being half-hearted. enough being completely heartless... maybe my soul is gone forever though, i cant say for sure. i hope it can come back. i hope it will. i miss making beautiful things.