Trouble making connections.

I wanted to talk about not having "friends". Don't get me wrong, I have friends around me that I talk to on a daily basis, but I have a hard time talking to them outside of school. Or having non- surface level conversations, I've had people come up to me and try to create friendships with me, but I am a very avoidant person who sometimes gets scared of intimacy, but I also crave it?

It took me a while just to actually reply to people and communicate with others, but I feel as though because I've been away from others for too long To the point where people who went out of their way to speak to me don't want to wait any longer for a reply, or for me to open up. 

I do care for different people I've met and encountered, although I don't keep good contact with them, I always care for them. I want to make sure I keep my relationships with the people I still keep in contact with, better and stronger, and let them know I don't mean to be distant. But I feel like I  fail at being "interesting" enough for them to reply.. maybe? Or they already have their close inner circle.

 I take the time I have to myself to better improve myself and make myself more interesting, but I feel like no matter how hard I try, I will never be a part of any group or make any close friends with people I talk to in school, and never outside of school. I don't get to do much outside of school, and I usually can't, and I think that's another reason why people don't want to create a deeper relationship, because they know I'd be hard to hang out with. Some still invite me to things and understand me, and I greatly appreciate them, even if we don't talk every day. I mean, something for them to invite me makes me extremely happy.

(side note)I also dislike when people act close to me in person, but when I want to speak to them or just reach out, they don't reply or leave me on seen, or even disregard what I say, and instead they talk about themselves. It gets frustrating to open up, which is why I don't most of the time. Even talking about this here is really hard, but maybe if someone else understands me, maybe it wouldn't be bad.

I crave community but shy away from it every chance I get, and I fear that these habits will make it more difficult to go into uni and make any potential friends. 

If anyone has any tips or anything, I'm open to anything :) I also hope this doesn't sound like I'm ungrateful for the people I've met. I do appreciate them and love them, but I just hope I can create better relationships in the future.